Michelle.Nicole+Jesus

Single, a word not a description.

2011-10-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Society has 2 descriptors for most people, single or in a relationship. It comes up in conversations, it's a status on Facebook, there's websites where their sole purpose is to get you from single to in a relationship. Society likes to use labels. But your identity, who you are is not described by single or in a relationship. Single is mindset that insinuates that the person must have a void that needs to be filled. Like the person is not whole or something.

However, have you noticed that in the bible God uses so many words to describe you and I as his sons and daughters yet single is not a word he uses. He calls us chosen, loved, valued, conquerors,treasured,etc. Yet He never calls us single. Why? Because the word single was never created to be a part of your identity.

Single implies the you are alone or that you have to do things on your own. And that is not true. Jesus died so that we could be in relationship with Him.

So many of us, myself included have gone along with what society says and felt like you were less than because you were "single". God is with you always, He never leaves you nor forsakes you. He is the creator of relationships, He created you and I to be in relationship with Him because He loves us.

Society says you are single until you get in a relationship however you are just you, exactly the way God made you and that flows out of your relationship with Christ and your future spouse is the same. You're not going about doing life alone and then bam now you're in a relationship and all of a sudden now your not alone. No, Jesus is always will be with you and when you do come into relationship with your spouse here on earth it's not two empty people with a void that are now together. It's two people that are living out their lives in relationship with the Father and now they're doing that side by side together.

Who you are is never and will never be defined as single. You are chosen, loved, treasured, valued, called, courageous, able, victorious. You are called this and so much more by the lover of your soul, Jesus. Remove the old mindset and embrace what God has to say about you.

Testimony

2011-07-10T21:02:00.000-07:00

This morning during worship I heard God whisper something into my spirit. He said I want you to share your testimony with your uncle, I didn't save you for you to now be quiet. My uncle has been going through some difficult situations lately and he needed to know that God is real and that He is more than able to turn around all circumstances no matter how bad they may seem. When we share our testimony with others it glorifies God. Yes there is a risk that that person will view you differently but more importantly it displays the love, compassion and redemptive power of God. So as I heard this whisper in my spirit, I just answered, okay God then give me the opportunity.

My testimony isn't pretty, it isn't easy, it isn't comfortable for others to hear but it's my love story of how my savior saved me from a pit of darkness and filth. For someone who knows the Michelle that I am now they could never imagine that my testimony actually happened, that I was once that girl. They just can't ever seem to fathom it. But that gives even more glory to the mighty power of my God. It shows that no matter how bad you think you've messed up God can turn it all around.

After service we were in the car and I was praying in my heart, "God give me an opportunity to say my testimony and take control of my words." And so I started....

Uncle, there's some things that I've gone through in my life that you have no idea about. My senior year of high school I had a lot of anger and rebellion in my heart and I got involved in drugs and alcohol. Then in December of my senior year of high school I got pregnant and had an abortion. And to cope with the pain and the shame I felt for what I had done I started doing cocaine to numb the pain, to numb my emotions and to forget about what I had done. I was addicted to cocaine for 6 months of my life. I hated my life. I would get drunk and just cry because I felt so much guilt for killing my child. I was in a deep depression. But God stepped into my world and he healed my hurts, he changed my heart, he gave me renewed hope and he restored me completely from the inside out. The Michelle that was in that pit of despair was set free. I am not that girl anymore, yes I made a mistake but God showed me that I didn't have to stay there. He saved me and showed me that my life could be made new. And now I'm able to talk to others who are in that deep pit and show them that God can save them, that He can turn their situation around. Your mistakes don't define you. You past doesn't have to be your future. God can change you, He can change the circumstances, He can save you.

For me saying all of this wasn't an easy task. To my uncle I am his pride and joy, he has always placed me on a pedestal, he has always thought highly of me. So telling this news to him was devastating but at the same time it needed to be done. In that moment God became very real to Him. It showed him that God isn't just someone that we read about in a bible like a story of someone who once was, no, it showed him that God is real and able to save people and turn their lives around even now.

Revelation 12:11 They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

There will be opportunities in life where you sharing your testimony might cost you something, it might cost you your reputation, it might make others think differently of you but the risk is always worth it because where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. People don't need you to look perfect, to act perfect, to talk perfect, no, they need you to be real, they need you to step into the darkness where they are and say you know what I've been here before and this is the way that I made it out. They need you to be willing to be vulnerable and meet them where they are. They need to see that our God isn't a God who hates them and thinks their dirty rotten sinners but that He is a God who will step into their pit and lift them out.

He didn't save me and He didn't save you for you to be quiet. Who in your world is hurting and needs to hear your love story of how God saved you?

I pray that God would give you the opportunity to speak your testimony to someone who needs to hear it today.

Rooting for you always,
Michelle

Value

2011-06-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

You are valuable. You have destiny inside of you. You are called of God. You are chosen by God. You will have an impact in this world. You are not forgotten. You are not disregarded. You are not what the world says about you.

I have a large chalkboard in my room and every week I write an encouraging note to myself according to what I feel God is speaking to my heart. This week I wrote really big, "You are Valuable". And everyday it has been a constant reminder that no matter how I may feel about my life currently, I am valuable.

A few years ago when I was involved in youth ministry I used to always remind my youth girls that the enemy only attacks those things which are of value. If he is constantly trying to get you down and trying to get you to give up on your dreams and tell you you're never gonna make it it's because he knows that God is going to use that area of your life for His glory otherwise he wouldn't mess with you. For me I have a constant struggle with 2 things which in our society kind of go hand in hand, marriage and value or self-worth. The enemy constantly tries to convince me that I'm never going to get married, that I'm going to be alone forever, that I'm a loser, that I'm not going to ever amount to anything. No lie it's a constant battle but I have to remember what God has said about me.

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I know that God hasn't forgotten about me. I know that God has an incredible plan for my life and for my marriage. And even if I forget it just the simple fact that the enemy tries to attack that area of my life so much should be a strong indicator that he see's the value that God has placed on my life in those areas or else he would leave me alone. We fight not against flesh and blood but against principalities.

I don't know if you're going through the same things I go through. But if these are areas where you struggle, where the enemy tries to get you down then remember these words....You Are Valuable. Cement it in your heart. Write it down where you have to see it everyday if you have to. Speak it over yourself everyday until it's so engrained in your spirit that you no longer question it.

Our value doesn't come from what society says about us, from our marital status, from our career status, from our degrees, from what your family says about you, or from what people think about you, no, it comes from what God says about you. And He says that You are Valuable.

Rooting for you always!

xoxoxox,
Michelle

From Pain to Gain

2011-05-29T16:59:00.001-07:00

I have been working with a personal trainer for about 3 weeks now and I can feel myself getting stronger as the weeks go by. I can feel my core getting stronger, my abs tighter, my arms more defined but it has come by some pain. There have been times I've walked into my training sessions and my trainer has had me do kicks and punches until I thought my arms and legs would give out. But then immediately afterwards she'll have me hold the punching bag while someone else punches and kicks it and you'd think this would be a great time to rest while someone else it feeling the pain but no, holding the bag while someone uses all their force to kick or punch is hard because your body is absorbing a lot of those hits and you've gotta engage your core and muscles to deflect that force back. There's one girl in particular who punches and kicks exponentially harder than all of the other girls and usually nobody wants to hold the bag for her cause you gotta be strong to take the force of her hits but my trainer explained to us that those are the people you wanna hold the bag for cause it makes you stronger.

In life sometimes we go through "hits" that make us stronger. We go through a break-up, the loss of a dream, the loss of a family member or friend, the loss of a promotion or job, sickness/disease, etc. Life has a way of handing us hurts, pains, letdowns but at the same time its those circumstances and situations that make you stronger. God has the ability to always no matter what, turn all things around for your good. Every single situation. Yes at first it might not make any sense, especially while that pain is raw and fresh but after some time has passed we see the why behind that situation.

My really good friend Chris and I have this saying that we use all the time, "it is what it is". When something happens that is outside of our control we always say that and just let it go and move on. It has helped me to not stress about situations, to not take things personal, to see that in the end the way things turned out was most likely for my good.

I love this scripture in Micah 4:13
On your feet, Daughter of Zion! Be threshed of chaff, be refined of dross. I'm remaking you into a people invincible.

When life get's you down, when you want to wallow in self-pity think upon these words, this declaration. On your feet! God is and will always tell you to get up, shake off the pain, the rejection, the disillusionment and gain from your pain because He is making you invincible. He is using this situation to make you stronger.

Now just to clarify stronger doesn't mean you put a wall up and don't open yourself up to let life happen, it doesn't mean shutting off your emotions and making yourself numb so you don't ever get "hurt" again. To be made stronger is actually the opposite, to become humble before God and allow Him to lift you up, give you renewed hope, accept the promise that He has a greater plan for you than what you had thought initially. But don't ever shut down. You were created with a heart that has emotions, that feels things so deeply for a reason. And don't allow anger to stay in your heart.

A situation occurred in my life recently that caused my heart some hurt. I took a risk on love. And it didn't work out how I had planned. But honestly, I don't regret it at all. I gave it my all, I loved completely and wholly and if that wasn't enough then that's okay. That's the thing about risk, you can jump in to something fully and it's still a 50/50 chance. But in my risk and my pain I gained so much. It made me stronger, it showed me that I am truly living in the now, that I am capable of love, that I am willing to take risks and not live so safe that I don't live life, it taught me that God has a plan that goes beyond my wildest dreams.

Circumstances don't define you.

On your feet son or daughter of God! He is making you invincible.

Rooting for you,

Michelle

Perfection

2011-04-03T13:30:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make....I am not perfect. I have my shortcomings, I have flaws, I am no where near perfect. And that's okay. For the first time in my life I embrace the fact that I'm not perfect and I absolutely love my life and wouldn't have it any other way.

Perfection is defined as being complete of it's kind and without defect or blemish. Hmm sounds vaguely familiar to this scripture:

1 Peter 1:18-20 "For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last time for your sake."

He is without blemish or defect. He is perfect. I am not. But the one that is perfect lives inside of me. He has made me perfect for the calling He has on my life, He has made my words perfect for those that I will impact on this earth, He has made a perfect time for everything to come to pass in my life, He has made me perfect for my husband. But does that mean I am perfect...not at all. It's only through Him that I am made perfect.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

If you are struggling to be perfect, give up now. It takes a whole lot of energy to try and be perfect and I promise you it will only leave you frustrated. Today, let go of perfection and be you. Because He has made you wonderful in and of yourself, stop going against the grain of who He has made you to be, stop trying to fit into what you think is perfect or what others have conditioned you to think is perfect and just be you. I promise you once you are just yourself you will give Him freedom to be made perfect in your weakness. The word says to love others as you love yourself. But you gotta love yourself first. Accept yourself.

Now don't get me wrong, we should always be growing, learning, and being molded more and more into His image. But the key differnce is who's standard are you comparing yourself to, what standard are you striving to meet, His or yours. His or the worlds. His or your parents.

Perfection is like a prison that holds so many people captive. It holds people back. This life is too short to be caged in, too short for you to not shine, too short for you to not be effective, too short for you to live even one more minute captive.

Jesus,

Thank you for breaking down the thoughts that I had let become emblazoned in my heart and head that I had to be "perfect". Thank you for setting me free. Please set the person reading this free. Help them to let go of perfection and instead embrace Your perfection in their weakness. I speak peace over their mind right now in the name of Jesus, I cancel out all negative words that have been spoken over their lives that they've accepted as truth. I pray that Your truth would become their truth. That they would believe what your word says, that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. That they are the head and not the tail. They are more than conquerors. And all this because You gave Your life, without defect or blemish for us all. I love you!

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

God is still God

2011-03-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

Josh Lopez sang this song at my church this morning and it wrecked me.

God you are God even when I don't feel you
God you are God even when I don't see you

I will worship
I will worship
I will worship
You are my God

There are dreams and desires that I haven't seen come to pass yet. There are things that I have been praying for for a long time. And if I'm honest, I get frustrated with God sometimes. I get frustrated at myself. I get frustrated at the timeline. But even though I don't see change, even though I feel like I'm standing still when I want to be moving forward, I know that God is in control.

In our darkest hour we can quit. But if I quit, then I won't see the miracle. If I stop running my race I won't ever see the finish line. If I stop praying, if I stop believing, if I turn my back on God, if I give up, if I, if I, if I then I won't see Him and His beautiful plan.

Right now I'm in that valley time in some areas of my life. I'm in that time of waiting. My heart is bursting at the thought of all my dreams coming true. And what's hardest is waiting, when you've seen the greatness of God be done in others and in your life before. God has done some incredible things in my life. He rescued me from drug and alcohol addiction, he turned my life around when I was on a road towards destruction. He's done so much in my life and I know that I know that I know that He hasn't left me now.

So even though I don't see what you're doing God, I will wait upon you. But to be honest even if my dreams and desires don't come for a while....God is still God. I will continue to worship you, I will continue to sing your praise, I will seek you, I will love you, I won't give up.

My hope, my peace, my strength come in knowing that You are in control. Jesus, I rest in you.

xoxo,
Michelle

Community

2011-03-16T22:33:00.001-07:00

A few days ago I was at lunch with a very dear friend of mine and I asked him a question, I said what would make you the happiest man in the world right now? And he said, you know what, for so long I ran around thinking I was invincible and that I could do whatever I wanted. I thought, I could be this unattached guy who lived life moment by moment, I could be this fun bachelor for life. Yet on the flip side of that be very selfish and take those around me for granted. But after going through some stuff he realized that what matters most to him and what would make him happy is to have that person in his life that would be his partner for life, that would enjoy the good and the bad in life alongside him. He talked about how much more he treasured those around him, his friends, his family.

Just a day before that I had been driving in my car and had overheard a radio announcer talking about relationships and how our desire to be in relationship with others is something that we are born with, it's not something that is taught. The radio announcer mentioned a study that had been done recently, where they had taken a baby that was 45 minutes old, hadn't even been born an hour and they had a person come up close to the baby and stick their tounge out at the baby. The baby then without hesitation mimicked the person and stuck his tounge out back. That immediate response from the baby backed up the study's conclusion that we as humans have a desire to be in relation with one another, we crave community.

Unfortunately though for many, they have the same mentality as my friend did. I know I did for a period in my life. We as humans need others, we need community, we need relationships in our lives. God made us the way he did for a reason. I am so incredibly indebted to the amazing circle of friends and family that I have. After going through some of the stuff I've gone through and seeing how much they have always had my back, and loved me through the good and the bad I know that I wouldn't be who I am without them.

We all need eachother. Take a look around you, stop everything you're doing and truly love them. Don't take them for granted. Yes it can sound so appealing at times to be the lone ranger, or to distance yourself away from people just enough to not get hurt but that's not a healthy way to live. Put the computer away, put the phone down, turn off the iPod and go love on those who God has blessed you with.

"Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share troubles?"- Proverbs 17:17

Rooting for you!

XOXOXOX,
Michelle

Keep ya head up

2011-03-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

"all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

Has life been crazy? Are you questioning yourself? Take a deep breath and exhale because it's all gonna be okay. We only have one life to live so don't let things get you down and don't get caught up in the craziness that is life sometimes.

Psalm 139:16 is posted up on my wall and it reminds me that even when I feel like I'm out of place or I'm wondering what about this or that it reminds me that Jesus knows what he's doing, he ordained all the days of my life. He is in control and he wrote an amazing story for my life and for yours. Pastor Earl said an amazing quote recently that said, God is always good, his plans are always good, His final word is always good, so if right now it's not good, it's not God's final word. I recieve that.

Everyday is such a great adventure. Yes I have my days when it feels like nothing is going right but it only takes me changing my perspective to see that you know what, it's all good.

So work might be crazy, you might be fighting with your significant other, you might have gained weight, you might have some questions but remember all your days were ordained by God and he's got you. Keep ya head up, it's gonna be alllll goood baby! lol

As I'm writing this I'm listening to the best song ever, check it out.
Song: Keep ya head up by Andy Grammer

Rooting for you!
xoxoxoxo,
Michelle

Drifting

2011-03-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

Imagine a ship out on the open water, raging full speed ahead towards its destination. Waves parting as the ship races with power and strength through the water. The wind soaring through and around the ship as it picks up speed.

Now imagine another ship just drifting along the ocean, being tossed back and forth by the waves but not really moving in any particular direction. It's not headed towards any specific location but instead just being carried wherever the waves take it.

My life currently looks more like the second ship than the first. I have my routines of what my day to day looks like. Work, home, workout, hang with friends, hang with family, sleep, go to church wed and Sunday then do the same things all over again the next week. I do the same things almost every week trying new things here and there but not really pushing towards a goal or a destination.

My boss told me a great quote the other day, he said:
"There is no growth in the comfort zone, and there is no comfort in the growth zone."

My life right now is comfortable. I haven't read a book in the last few months, I haven't devoured the word of God and really allowed it to open my eyes and my heart to more of Jesus in a while...basically I have been doing just enough to get by. I have been faithful in going to church, writing notes, taking my bible, praying daily but not really growing in my understanding of Jesus.

In my health, yes I have incorporated working out into my daily life for about 4 weeks now, I have made major improvements in my eating habits. But if I'm honest I have gotten comfortable in the amount of effort I put forth in my exercise routines. Initially that amount of effort was great but now 4 weeks later I need to push myself harder.

If you aren't pushing forward towards a goal, if you aren't growing, if you aren't stretching beyond what you have already achieved you will become comfortable. Year after year can go by without any change if we stay stagnant. Tonight, I sat down with a friend of mine and we wrote out some goals for the next month, for the next quarter and for the next year. We first focused on what were three main things that I wanted to achieve this year: I want to grow spiritually, I want to be more physically fit and I want to make a difference in my community. Then we took those 3 goals and broke them down into more bite size things that I could do each month that would help me to accomplish those goals. For example, once a month minimum I will try a new type of exercise past my usual workout. That could be doing a salsa class, kayaking, taking a hike, swimming, etc. With the main focus being incorporating something new in my workout routine and building upon that every month. And then I did the same for my other 2 goals.

It's so easy to be carried by the current, to stop rowing, stop growing spiritually, stop learning, stop pushing yourself. Today make the decision to pick up the oars again and start rowing. Initially it's hard to start picking up speed when you're starting from zero speed but once you get going it's that much easier to pick up more and more speed. And before you know it the waves will be parting for you instead of tossing you back and forth in the same spot.

Rooting for you!

xoxoxox,
Michelle

Expectations

2011-02-15T22:23:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago my pastor spoke about expectations and their ability to set us up for disaster. He was referring to the holidays and how we can sometimes put these extremely high expectations on our family and friends to make sure the holidays go perfectly to plan. And you know what, people are people and things happen and sometimes, most times those high expectations aren't met and that has the ability to put you in a tailspin of emotions if you're not careful. For example you decide you're going to cook Christmas dinner at your house and invite all the family over. You let everyone know what time to show up even though you know your sister and her husband always run late but you think, okay I told them what time to arrive they better be here. And like always they arrive late and that sends you over the edge, you think ugh they always do this, they're so rude, now the food is cold, they're so inconsiderate...my day is ruined. When honestly if you had removed that expectation and thought, today no matter what time everyone arrives, I am blessed to have food to prepare for my family, I am thankful to have a family to spend my holidays with, and if anyone arrives later that's okay they can pull up a seat and join in on the laughter and love shared over our holiday meal.

You have the ability to control your emotions and your expectations far before a situation occurs, so why not set yourself up for success. I remember hearing that sermon and thinking wow, I can apply this to so many various areas of my life, in my friendships, in my dating relationships, etc.

If I had to describe myself I would say that I'm a rare combination of laid-back yet have some type A traits, like wanting to control things and make sure they come out perfect. And wanna know when things turn out perfect, when I'm laid-back and let things happen on their own instead of trying to control everything to the minute detail. In hindsight it's that controlling side that has probably ruined lots of past relationships.

In the area of relationships, I always have this mindset that it's going to be picture perfect and I set up these extremely high expectations yet since the other person doesn't know this they inevitably fail to meet those expectations and unfortunately the relationship ends without me even giving it a chance. It's true what they say, hindsight is truly 20/20. If I could go back in time, there's so much I would do differently but more importantly there's so many changes I will now make moving forward.

This past weekend, my best friend Stacy came in to town to visit me and help me re-decorate my entire room. Initially I had made a plan in my head, okay we're first going to paint, then stencil, then move around the furniture, then go shopping for additional pieces if necessary, etc. I had this long list of to do's and had allotted time for each project in my head so we could make the most of the 24hours we had. Well a few days before she arrived she let me know that she needed to make a small change to the schedule that was going to take up about 5 hours of our time total. Initially, I was freaking out cause I was thinking oh my gosh how are we going to have enough time to do everything. And in the midst of my panic I remembered Pastor Rob's sermon and thought you know what, you can either sit here and freak out or you can think you know what, my best friend who lives in another state is here to spend the weekend with me, everything will work itself out, just take each moment for what it is and enjoy it to the fullest, enjoy laughing and spending time with your friend, the room make-over can be completed any day of the week but your friend is only in town for this weekend. Changing my expectation from everything on my to-do list having to be completed to just enjoy your weekend with your best friend and treasure each moment made a HUGE difference. We had a fantastic weekend and I'm so thankful that it wasn't ruined by my initial desire to want to place unnecessary high expectations.

Life is meant to be lived day by day, moment by moment. Remove those unrealistic expectations and instead expect to be surprised by the small treasures that will be revealed in each moment of everyday.

XOXOXOX,
Michelle

Open

2011-02-01T22:56:00.000-08:00

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

This scripture is written in such a precise way. Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, not some of it, not half way but with all of your heart. Submit to him, give up the reigns, give up control, and submit to God and his way. Then when all this has been done he will make your paths straight, he will lead you to the exact place where you are supposed to be.

Wow. Sounds simple enough, yet so hard to live out. There has been something weighing on my heart lately, something that I have no control over, something that I need to just trust God on, completely trust him and submit to him. And I'm not gonna lie, that is hard. The saying God, I trust you, that's easy but the living it out each day. It's the small decisions everyday to not give in to my emotions, not make an impulse decision but let God lead my life, yield to his timing to his plan and to ultimately trust that he knows the desire of my heart, he knows what would make me the happiest girl in the world and he knows how to make it happen.

Faith means to trust even when your scared, I think especially when your scared. If I'm honest I am scared, scared to be vulnerable, but that's what it means to trust with ALL YOUR HEART. God, I trust you with all my heart. I am open, I am done running, I am here and I'm willing. God, I trust you and I take a step each day in the path you have for me that will lead me exactly to where I'm supposed to be. That will lead me to my forever.

Te adoro.

Michelle Nicole

My Race

2011-01-24T18:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt like you weren't living to your full potential? My heart has been wrecked for a while with this feeling. God, my heart beats for something bigger than this. Tonight I watched a movie that stirred my heart once again for something more, I watched Secretariat. It's a movie about a woman and her horse who had heart, who pushed through difficult circumstances to make history.

God, what is my race? What is the cause that's bigger than me that I was made to fight for? I am not okay with the status quo. I am not okay with living like everyone else. I am not okay with living SAFE. Not when my heart breaks the way it does for something bigger. I was made to change history, not because of who I am but because of who you made me to be. Because of who You are.

As I type this with tears streaming down my cheeks, my heart aches to know what I'm missing out on. There is a yearning in my heart for something bigger yet I don't know what it is. There's people who know their call from a young age, who fulfill their dreams they were destined to fulfill early in life, God, what is mine?

Do you know what it feels like to have your heart break for something and you don't even know what it's breaking for?

Psalm 139: 13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

God, creator of the universe, maker of heaven and earth, you formed me, you know me. Show me the way I should go. Open my eyes to your plans. Show me what my heart aches for. Release me to live the days that were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

SHINE - 5 Minute Blog

2011-01-20T22:15:00.000-08:00

I'm giving myself 5 minutes to write this blog....and GO!

Tonight I went to a Mercy Me concert and there was a song that stated these lyrics, and when coupled with how my week has been it was the perfect lyric. It's from their song This Life and the lyric says: This life was meant to shine.

That's it. You're probably thinking um okay there's nothing that spectacular about that. But for me it was a reminder.

Lately, if I'm honest I have been acting and talking more like the world. I haven't been "shining" Jesus. And my life was meant to Shine for Jesus. I should be impacting the world, I should be changing the world, I should be the light in the darkness. Yet lately it had been quite the opposite. The world had beat me up and had turned out my light.

Yet tonight, these lyrics were an abrupt reminder that, wait a second, Michelle, your life was meant to shine.

And in that moment, the light inside of me was turned back on.

My life was meant to SHINE.

xoxoxox,
Michelle

Leader

2011-01-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

Strength is given for service, not to convey status - Romans 15:2

What if we knew that our strength was to serve the weak, fearful, or timid? - Lisa Bevere, from the book Lioness Arising

Within you, within me there is a leader. God has called us to live to our full potential, to be leaders but our society has somewhat distorted what leadership means. Leadership isn't telling other people what to do, it isn't about using your power to hold others down, it's about drawing the gifts, talents and abilities out of people, helping them, serving them to reach their greatest potential. It's more about others than it is about you. It's about honoring those who God has entrusted you to.

Don't imagine us leaders to be something we are not. We are servants of Christ, not his masters. We are guides into God's most sublime secrets, not security guards posted to protect them. - 1 Corinthians 4:1-2

I have hopes, I have dreams of one day having a leadership school. Of raising up a generation to be His hands, His feet. But how do I get from here to there? What has God put in my hands now to do? How can you?

1. Be Humble - This opportunity to lead is not because of anything that you have done, it has nothing to do with you and your abilities but everything to do with God. He has entrusted you with His precious son or daughter, for you to be an extension of Him. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding - Proverbs 3:5

There have been times when I have got stuck on this part. Where I have thought, God this is too much, I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to lead. I have my own issues, how am I going to lead someone else? Only to then remember, I haven't been given this opportunity because of my amazing skills but because God wants to reach those whom He has entrusted to me. And it's in those times when I have said, God I don't know how to do this but I yield to you, my life is not my own, give me the words to say, use me, not my will but yours be done that He has been most glorified.

2. Show Honor - Respect, cover, shield, protect. These are all words that show honor. As a leader you are to draw out those things in people that they are too afraid to show. You might meet someone who has aspirations to be a public speaker and when you meet them they might be the shyest person you've ever met. Or maybe they talk in circles, or maybe they stutter due to a lack of confidence. As a leader, my role wouldn't be to mock him or her, or to tear them down, or speak lack into their life but to draw out those gift and talents within them. To encourage, to speak faith and confidence, to be there when that person wants feedback, to listen, to be their cheerleader. Everyone is fighting some sort of battle, as a leader your role is to shield just as much as you encourage. Don't ever speak ill of someone behind their back. Be someone who is trustworthy, who doesn't slander others weakness'.

3. Serve - Serving can mean a plethora of things, it can mean being reliable, being consistent, anticipating the needs of someone else, making a way for others, opening the door, equipping, mentoring, etc. It's doing all you can to lighten the burden for someone else. Meeting their needs without them even having to ask for it.

There have been times in the past when I have been serving at my church and my role has been to anticipate the needs of my pastor. Is this the 4th message he has preached today? He's probably tired, let me make sure that everything runs smoothly so he doesn't have to worry about sound, or lighting, or anything that way all he has to do is focus on delivering his message. His throat is probably dry, let me make sure he has water on the stage. As soon as he comes off the stage, let me have all his stuff gathered that way he doesn't have to worry about it. When you serve others, it's thinking about the other person more than yourself, it's anticipating their needs, it's doing everything you can to make sure they succeed.

4. Listen - Listen not only with your ears but with your heart. It's knowing the difference in their demeanor, noticing when someone looks frazzled or stressed even though if you ask them how they're doing they might say, "I'm doing great". With my best friends I know when something is wrong, usually without them even having to say anything. It's those moments when God puts someone on your heart and you pick up the phone and call them or text them to see how they're doing.

I remember when I used to do youth ministry, I would listen to my girls pour their hearts out about this issue or that issue. But at the same time I would be having an inner dialogue with God, asking Him what's the deeper issue here, what's really going on. It's asking those questions that make the person dig further to get at the root of the issue.

5. Love - Steps 1-4 are all actions that can become draining, can become a chore to do and can wear on your nerves if you don't have love. Without love, this is honestly all useless. There's that quote that says, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

"....serve one another humbly in love." - Galatians 5:13

But when you have love for those around you, it becomes so much easier to honor, serve and listen to them. I didn't say it's easy but it is easier. Be genuine in your words and actions. Be faithful.

6. Pray - Pray for your friends, for your co-workers, for your students, for you family, for the Starbucks barista that remembers your drink order before you order it, and pray for yourself. You have been given this opportunity because God wants to see all His creation set free and living their life to the fullest and He is going to start that ripple effect through you.

There have been too many times in my life when I have held back, where I have been to afraid to stand up and be the leader He has called me to be because I was afraid to fail. But I know it's not about me, and it's surely not about my abilities, but it's about doing all I can do and then allowing Him to make up for the difference to help others live their life to the fullest!

God help me to be a better leader, to be humble, to show honor, to serve, to love genuinely and to pray faithfully.

Love,
Michelle

Your lives aren't small, but you are living them in a small way....open up your lives. Live openly and expansively! - 2 Corinthians 6:11-13

From impossible to possible

2010-12-30T22:03:00.000-08:00

Ephesians 3:20-21 (The Message)
God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Our God is the God who makes the impossible, possible. There is nothing that He can't do.

Matthew 7:7 (The Message)
Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need.

Ask for what you need. What is it that you want, healing for a family member or friend, a job, a spouse, friends, salvation, etc? Ask God.

Matthew 18: 18-20 (The Message)
Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is a yes in heaven; a no on earth is a no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there.

Speak what is possible with God. Align your words with the desire of your heart that you are asking God for. And gather those around you that will pray with you, that will believe with you. Surround yourself with a community of faith.

What is it in your life that looks impossible? What is it that others have said is impossible? For me, its my bestfriend Morgan's cousin Britney's health. The doctors say she has cancer, but God says that by His stripes we are healed. I am praying for Britney's healing, I am speaking life and not death. Britney is healed in Jesus name, she will not die but will live out all the days of her life. Will you agree with me for her healing. Nothing is impossible for you God. Nothing.

Thank you Jesus because you hear our prayers, and you act upon them. You can do all things Jesus. I know that you are good, I know that you are our healer, you're name is above all. Thank you for your goodness, for your faithfulness and for your love.

We serve a God who is all powerful.

What is it that you would like for me to agree in prayer with you over? Remember all things are possible for those that believe.

xoxox,
Michelle

New Chapter

2010-12-26T21:36:00.000-08:00

New Year's is right around the corner, the time of year when people all around the globe make resolutions or lists of goals they hope to accomplish throughout the year. And it has me thinking.

What do I want for this next year, what do I hope for, what do I want to do. Last year during this time I set out to get better at living in the now, at living in this moment and to enjoy all the blessings in my life currently instead of longing for the future. So how did I do? Well I started out great and actually kept it up for most of the year, then somewhere towards the end of the year I got busy with life, I kind of got on auto-pilot and well, I don't do auto-pilot very well. So for this year I want to take a step back per say, I want to get off auto-pilot and live my life again. I want to live everyday as a new adventure. Remove all the expectations for the future and live in the now, live with an expectancy of what Jesus has for me each day.

In the bible, Jesus provided the Isrealites each day with fresh manna from heaven, everyday he provided. I want fresh manna everyday Jesus.

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Give attention to what God is doing right now. Right now. At this present moment. Live your life, because we've only got one life. You have been given this moment, and we have not been promised tommorrow. Slow down. Breathe and enjoy la dolce vida.

Jesus, help me to notice when I set the auto-pilot, in fact I would like you to obliterate my ability to even get on auto-pilot. Give me child-like wonder for every day. Help me to slow down, to see you in every moment, in every day. I want to see everything through your eyes, set me afresh.

Tomo unos momentos cada dia, ciera los ojos y respira. El te ha dado esto momento, disfrutalo :)

XOXOXOX,
Michelle

Hopes and Dreams

2010-12-10T20:41:00.000-08:00

What are my hopes and dreams? What do I want to achieve? What would make my heart leap with happiness? Right now I don't know.

I watched a movie recently called. Burlesque and it was awesome, hearing Christina Aguilera sing just blows me away. You definitely know that girl was made to sing, its undeniable. Lately anytime I see a movie or hear a story of a person who has achieved their dreams, who is doing what they were made to do, it has made me cry. Not weeping or anything but an authentic happy for them cry yet sad that I don't know what that is for me.

God what was I made to do? What was I created to accomplish? What have you placed inside of me to birth? What destiny or dream do you have for me?

What am I doing? What am I shooting for? Don't get me wrong I really love my job but this desire is beyond just doing a job. This is beyond a title. It's bigger, it's deeper.

God, what do I do? Awaken me, awaken my soul. I love pouring into others, being an encourager but that's not necessarily a dream. For a while I thought maybe I wanted to be a counselor but that doesn't really excite me all that much.

God, I know that you have a purpose and a plan for my life. There is a void that my life was made to fill. What is it?

Over the last year my prayers have been for my future husband and asking God to mold and shape me into a woman that reflects Him. But I seem to have forgotten about my dreams. And in light of that I honestly don't know if I want my husband to come into my life just yet. I want to be doing what God made me to do, I want him to have something to be proud of me about. I want to be doing something that I'm proud of, something that is mine, something that I can point to and say THAT'S what I was made to do. Honestly I want to be happy, not just happy cause everything is going good but a happy that comes from deep down within my heart, within my soul that I am making an impact here on earth and not just taking up space.

God, I'm being vulnerable and honest...I know that there's more to my life. There is a desire, a dream inside of me that isn't being met and my soul is crying out for it. Please open my heart, search it, open my eyes to more.

Psalm 42:6-8
When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you....deep calls out deep, to the tune of whitewater rapids. Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me. Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God's prayer.

My soul is in the dumps Jesus. Wash over me.

XOXOXO,
Michelle

Taking Inventory

2010-11-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

It's Thanksgiving today and here I am reading my blog from a year ago thinking to myself, where am I today this year as opposed to where I was today last year.

If I could take inventory of the past year what has changed? Where have I grown? At the beginning of the year I set out to do stuff I had always wanted to do or had never done before. And so far here's my list of things I did and how they went:

1. Ran my first half-marathon with my baby brother - I ran 90% of the way, I couldn't believe it. Crossing that finish line and seeing my best friend (who surprised me cause she lives out of town) and family there to congratulate me was so precious.
2. Went to South Padre beach (multiple times) - it's absolutely beautiful to be able to wake up and walk along the beach shore with the waves crashing against your legs, while the sun rises all while talking to Jesus. I highly recommend it!
3. Went to see my favorite musician in concert..JOHN MAYER! And to make things better I went by myself. 5th row back from the stage. It was amazing! Definitely hands down one of the best concerts I have ever been to.
4. Then, I got a little carried away with the concerts. Went to see Carrie Underwood, Rhianna and John Mayer (again). One of which I did by myself. There's just something about going to a concert by yourself, where no one knows you, and you can just let your hair down, dance your heart out and sing along to your favorite songs with your favorite musician. So much fun!
5. Tasted 2 new kinds of food and fell in love haha Thai food, all I can say is YUM! I'm pretty sure I had Pad Thai at least once a week for like 2 months straight after my friend Chris introduced me to it lol Then Sushi...OMG....I didn't know that sushi could taste so delicious until my friend Stacy introduced me to Momiji! Wow hands down my favorite sushi place ever.
6. Traveled to California and drove from Los Angeles to San Diego with one of my girlfriends. It was the best 5 days of my summer, got to go to the God Chicks Conference, the beach, Rodeo Drive, and so much more. Absolute blast!
7. Learned how to sew. This one wasn't earth shattering fun but at least it made me a little more domesticated haha
8. Reconciled a friendship that I thought was over. Asked for forgiveness. Cried. Laughed. And now we're best of friends again. Power of forgiveness is incredible.
9. Learned how to country western dance. This one was quite fun. It's not everyday you meet a Colombian who likes country music but I really do. And one of my girlfriends and I took an informal dance class for 6 weeks at a local university. So much fun!
10. Had my heart healed from the inside out by my amazing, all powerful, all consuming, loving Savior.

While all of these things were new experiences and were an absolute blast, the one that meant the most to me was the last one. Jesus, took my very broken heart this time last year and made it something new and beautiful. This year I have so much to be thankful for, family, friends, new experiences but most of all Jesus and his amazing work in my life. Jesus, help me to continue to grow, to be stretched outside of my comfort zone for the good, to try new things, to love again, and to be more like you.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Make this next year the best one yet! And try something new :)

XOXOXOX,
Michelle

Family

2010-10-31T20:14:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago I was laying in bed talking with Jesus and was pouring my heart out to Him. I was being honest with Him and asking Him some pretty direct questions.

"God, why hasn't my husband arrived? Why am I not married? Do you think I'd be some kind of awful wife and that's why I'm not married? Is there something wrong with me? Is there some lesson I haven't learned yet? God, what is it? Why am I single? I need to know because this being single isn't fun anymore? I need to know the reason."

And I heard...

"I'm giving you more time with your family. This season is for you to spend time with your family."

And I'm not gonna lie it somewhat freaked me out at first, I was like why Jesus, are they going to die or something? But He gave me peace that that wasn't the case. To be honest my mom has always talked about the nations. She is originally from El Salvador and I know that it is her heart's desire to one day go back and preach to her people about Jesus. She's always telling me how she would love to go back there, to go to all Latin American nations and preach the good news. So who knows maybe when I get married she'll be gone to the nations and I won't see her very often. Or who knows, maybe shortly after I get married, my husband and I will move. Either way it comforted me that God knows the plans He has for me and He knows the future, and has given me this season to spend time with my family.

It's only been about a week and a half but that revelation has really made me shift my priorities. I stay home a lot more often now, I try and cook dinner for them as often as I can, I left my church to go to church with my parents and serve alongside them, I have rearranged my schedule to make my family and serving them a focal point of this season. If God has given me this extended season of singleness to spend with my family then I am definitely going to take advantage of it and enjoy my family.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.

I have the most amazing parents in the world. They both absolutely love Jesus and encourage me everyday. My parents are incredible. My mom will pray down heaven for me. She would do anything for me. She is a treasure, a gift to me from Jesus. My brother is the best brother in the world. He is my best friend. He has my back. He loves me unconditionally and is my biggest encourager. My step-dad has such a servant's heart, there is nothing he wouldn't do for me. I am truly blessed to call them my family and I will soak up this time with them.

Thank you Jesus for this season and the gift that it has been for me. I love you! Show me everyday how I can serve my family better, how I can love them more, how I can be you to them. Amen.

-Michelle

Do you feel like you are going through an extended season of singleness, or without a job, or whatever and want to know why? Ask Jesus. Allow Him to comfort you and allow Him to reveal the meaning of this season?

Court date

2010-10-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

I had a court date, I had committed the crime that I was being accused of and I was on trial. I knew I was guilty and my tears weren't going to get me out of this one. The accuser was telling the judge how I was guilty of this that and the other and he was right, I didn't have an excuse. And while I sat there waiting to hear my judgement that I fully deserved the judge did something unbelievable. He stepped down into my seat and took all the blame for me. He took the sentence, He served the time, He paid the price.

Nobody would do that for another, nobody on earth would take the blame for your sins but that's exactly what Jesus did for me. He took it all and wiped my sentence clean, He gave me a fresh start, even though I had willingly sinned, even though I had known it wasn't okay, He took it all and forgave me. He took my place.

Tonight while we were in worship at church we sang a song called A beautiful exchange by Hillsong and it reminded me of how good my God is, how He carried all my blame, He broke the curse all for my redemption. He took my place when He died on the cross, He died so I could live, He died so that I could be made new, He died so that I could be forgiven.

That's the Jesus that I serve. I may not live my life like most young adults my age, I may live by a different standard but it's because I was guilty yet the judge wiped my slate clean. I bet anyone who has stood before an actual judge would act very different if they knew the judge had not only paid their bail but served their sentence. They would be eternally grateful and would live in a way that would show the judge they're gratitude. They wouldn't live their life haphazardly.

My Jesus took my place, He extended grace, He loved me back to wholeness, He gave me a new life, He blessed me, when I was guilty and didn't deserve it. That's my Jesus. That's my Saviour. And that's why I love Him.

-Michelle Nicole

It's not a fairy-tale, it's reality

2010-10-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

I am very much a romantic at heart. I love everything about love. I love the butterflies you get when that special someone walks into the room. I love the smile that instantly comes across your face when that special someone's name pops up on your phone. Love is the best feeling in the world!

My friends who really know me would say I live in a fairy tale land sometimes because I want that fairy tale relationship. I want a relationship where we are passionately in love, where we do sweet things for eachother because we want to, where we cherish, value and adore eachother, where we want nothing but the best for eachother. I want that relationship where if I'm having a rough day he goes to the store and gets me a flower and surprises me with it when I get home, or on our wedding day sends me a card that says how excited he is to share the rest of his life with me, or calls me just to say he was thinking about me and loves me, not because he feels he has to but because he wants to. That's the love that I want. And there's no reason why that should only happen in fairy tales. For every person that has tried to burst my bubble I say no to their complacent thinking, I say no to settling for anything less than love how Jesus loves me, I say no to someone loving me lazily. My Jesus romances me, He loves me, He surprises me, He reminds me everyday that He choses to spend time with me, that I am His whole world, that there is nothing He wouldn't do for me, that He has nothing but the best in store for me. So why would I settle for anything less in a husband.

I am done with people saying, oh guys aren't romantic, or guys don't do that stuff, or that only happens in the movies. When someone really loves you they will show it.

My future husband will love me like Jesus loves me, he will value me, cherish me, he will enjoy being my hero and I will enjoy being his girl.

And believe me, my man will be the most loved, respected, honored, cherished man on the planet!

Can't wait! :)

-Michelle Nicole

He reigns

2010-10-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Philippians 2:9-11:

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and earth and under the earth, and every tounge confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

The name of Jesus is above every name. His name is above pride, depression, fear, anxiety, worry, stress, sickness, lonliness and your past. This morning I awoke from a dream of my past, a dream that stirred emotions of fear and sadness. Your past has a way of doing that, of brining back memories, of taking you back to a place where your heart no longer belongs.

When you're in the thick of it, when you're in sin, you think God please fix it. I know I did, I thought God I know we've done wrong, I know that this isn't right but please fix it. And you think God, if you could fix this it would be a great testimony. But to be honest, that part of the past, the sin must die. Your past cannot walk with you into the future God has for you.

That is not to say that God can't fix broken relationships or sinful pasts, but in order for Him to have something to work with you've gotta give it to him...all of it and then let that past die.

He reigns. His name is above all. He loves you. He has a plan. Let His love remove the fear. Your past won't compare with the riches and glory He has in store for your future.

Jesus, you reign, thank you for encouraging me along the journey, thank you that you have greatness in store for my future, thank you for being my all, my everything, my source of comfort and strength. I love you

-Michelle Nicole

Breakdown to Breakthrough

2010-10-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it felt like all hell broke loose over your life? Where everything that could go wrong did? And seriously not one area of your life wasn't under attack? Welcome to the last 2 weeks of my life. Now I'm not gonna lie usually when this happens I've always associated it with, well I must have done something bad to bring this on my life. But this time, it was different, I haven't done anything wrong, in fact I've been doing a lot of things right, so how is it that all this chaos has been brought on?

I love my job but lately its been extremely stressful, busy, non-stop and oh did I mention stressful. I have noticed myself being really short with co-workers, not having patience, being harsh and that's not like me. Then with my family, my brother moved out last week due to some very unwise decisions and it caused a lot of drama at home. My mind has been under severe attack, while I'm awake, while I'm asleep, at all times. I have been feeling really low self-worth, feeling very defeated, feeling very alone. Oh and then this season of singleness has really caused some anxiety and depression. Feelings of, "Lord will I ever marry?", "why am I not married yet, am I some kind of loser that nobody wants to marry?", "how will I even meet my husband when I don't even talk to any guys and the few guys that are my friends aren't anybody that I would ever even want to date", and so on and so forth.

So in a nutshell that has been my life the last two weeks. And today I was at my wits end, I basically felt like, Lord if I don't have some kind of breakthrough tonight at church then I'm seriously gonna have a mental breakdown. The weight of all the chaos had just about broke me. And then tonight happened. During worship tonight I just poured my heart out to God and said, Lord I don't trust you. I don't trust that you've got me. I'm so down. I....need....You. And like a flood He rushed in, He covered me with His peace, He gave me strength, He told me to not let go but to keep holding on. To keep trusting Him even though my eyes don't see the way out of this desert season. And that's all it took. Hearing His voice of reassurance, His voice saying, "baby don't let go, I'm here, I've got you", for me to go from near breakdown to breakthrough.

We all have those days, those weeks where it feels like if it's not one thing it's another and we just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But God is faithful, He never leaves us, and even when we don't see the way out, He reminds us to hold on because He will make a way. He has a plan. Trust Him.

You don't have to be perfect. Talk to Him, be honest about where you heart is and rest assured that He will meet you where you are.

My circumstances didn't change, my brother is still gone, my piles of paperwork will still be there tomorrow when I arrive at work, I'm still single but He renewed my strength to hold on. Because it's only in holding on, in persevering that we are able to see the miracle at the end of it all.

Isaiah 43:19 "I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

-Michelle Nicole

Running 100 miles an hour

2010-10-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

I seem to only operate in 2 speeds, 100 miles an hour or 0. And it's honestly exhausting. I need to learn how to cruise, still going forward, but not at break neck speed. I need to slow down, I need to rest, I need to make sure I don't burn out.

Last year I purchased my dream car and I love my car, but I treat it well, I don't go from zero to 100 every time I drive it. I slowly increase the speed and slowly decrease the speed maintaining the speed limit. Yet when it comes to my life, I don't take care of myself that much and God has shown me that a.) I need to rest and b.) I need to have self-discipline.

I don't have any children of my own, but I do know plenty of people who have babies and they all seem to say the same thing. Babies and small children need to be on a schedule, they need to get proper rest, they need routine. Why? Because they will function better with a schedule. Well, I think that shouldn't only apply to babies. It should apply to everyone. I can't function at my best when I'm tired, when I have been eating junk all week, when I haven't been taking care of myself.

So during this season, that is what I am trying to learn. To be disciplined. To be on a schedule. To go to bed at a certain time, to wake up at a certain time everyday, to eat better, to make time for rest. I can't continue living the way I have, I can't keep running 100 miles an hour and then burnout and do zero for a few days only to run 100 miles an hour again and burnout the next month. It's not healthy. It's not Godly.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Self-control is just another word for discipline. If you are disciplined in one area of your life, it will eventually spill over into other areas. But the opposite is true too, if you do whatever you want in one area, I bet you do whatever you want in other areas of your life.

I personally need to be disciplined in my eating, resting, finances and there's no better time than the present to start.

Jesus, I give you control over my schedule, I give you control over my finances, over my eating habits, over everything.

Luke 16:10 Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with very much.

Jesus, right now I'm only in charge of me. Later on down my life journey I will be responsible for a family, help me to be self-disciplined. To persevere, to be fully present, to not run exhausted but to be energized and available to do those things which matter. Help me to say no enough so that I can say yes when you need me to. Help me to be responsible with the time that you have blessed me with.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Rooting for you,

Michelle Nicole

In what areas of your life do you need to be disciplined in? Start this
week. Make a change.

Natalie Grant & Jordin Sparks - Human ~ 41st Annual Dove Awards

2010-09-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

Positioned for a purpose

2010-09-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

I have worked for my company for about 2 and half years and in that time I have had the pleasure to work alongside Amy. Amy and I share an office, she sits about 5 feet away from me and seriously has rocked my world. Every time she takes a PTO day, I miss her dearly, she is one of the most humble, serving, loving people I know and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for her. If you met her you'd know that she talks at only one speed, incredibly fast, she can never answer a question with just yes or no, she loves to talk, she has the ability to make you feel comfortable in an instant, she has the funniest laugh, she has very poor taste in movies (she likes spoof movies), she's pocket-sized and her favorite phrase is, "what can I do to help". She is a gem and I adore her.

But tonight while preparing for my bible study I realized something new about my job. See, my role at work is human resources. I have absolutely no prior work experience doing human resources. My degree is in marketing/advertising. And 99% of the time I have no idea what I'm doing. I am solely responsible for my entire companies' payroll, health/medical benefits, new hire orientation, security clearance processing and 401K. Oh and did I mention I have no experience in any of this. There are so many times that I sit at my desk and question God, "Jesus, how in the world did I get here?", "How in the world do I do this or that?", "Are you sure I can do this?". I have had the privilege to go to fancy restaurants, amazing conference centers, presentations at some of the most luxurious country clubs all on other people's dime because of my position. And usually I'm the youngest person in the room by like 20 years, it's insane. And every time it reminds me that God hand-picked me for this specific job for a purpose.

For a while I'm not gonna lie, I was like God, okay what am I supposed to learn here. Obviously you brought me here for a reason. Is it to learn about payroll? Or to learn how to do benefits? Or how to deal with employee relations? And tonight I realized why....it's for Amy.

Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before me, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Amy doesn't know Jesus but she know that I do. She knows that I go to church. She knows that I serve at my church but honestly that's about it. I will admit I haven't done a great job of showing her Jesus, of showing the goodness of God in my life. I have allowed myself to get so focused on the job, on the tasks set before me that there are times I hardly say a word to her, or get in her world. It's like I mentioned in my post before, without a vision, the people perish. I hadn't seen my job in terms of the bigger picture, the greater purpose and that is to bring Amy to know Jesus. It's not to have her come to my church or even to say she's a christian. But for her to know the goodness of God, for her to feel the love of Jesus, for her to know that she is loved, that she is never alone. For her to feel blessed by Jesus. And God has placed me at my company to serve as a conduit to show his love towards her.

This has literally opened my eyes. It has changed the way I view my job. It has caused me to want to make some changes. I am human and when I don't have enough sleep I can be really quiet, introverted, and closed off. Not cause I'm mad or anything but because I'm exhausted and just want to be left alone. And if I'm honest I have been exhausted for a few months now. So I will be going to sleep earlier, I want to be fully present at work, I want to be awake and energized to engage with Amy throughout the day, to be able to not only do my job but help relieve the burden from her at times, to surprise her with lunch, to serve her, to do life with her, to laugh, to talk, to share our world. I have been positioned at a job that I am not qualified for but that I have been chosen for to reach God's daughter, to reach His precious baby, to reach the love of His life, to speak encouragement when the world tries to beat her down, to take the weight off her shoulders when she can't go any further. I am positioned for a purpose.

Jesus, I am here, I am willing, use me. Take control of my schedule, take control of my emotions, give me rest, give me joy and show me daily how to love your daughter to you.

Do you know why you are at your job? Have you been positioned for a purpose? I bet you have, ask Jesus who you are to bless.

Rooting for you always.

Love,

Michelle Nicole

Pointed Prayer

2010-09-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

In early July, I was laying in bed one night talking to God about my future husband. Asking him, what's he gonna be like, where is he, what's he doing right now, does he think of me? And at the same time praying for him and feeling somewhat guilty that I didn't pray for him more often. I thought, God, please help me to be more consistent in praying for me husband. But I knew that wouldn't be enough. I knew that my daily prayer would probably go a little something like this, Lord, be with my husband today, give him strength for the day and bless him. Amen. Just being honest but I know myself. So I asked God to give me a topic for everyday of the week that I could pray for my husband about, and He gave me one for everyday of the week. Monday's I pray for his friendships, Tuesday's health, Wednesday's job and finances, Thursday's his leadership ability and being submitted to God, Friday's his relationship with God, Saturday's his family and our future family together, Sunday's protection from temptation, protection of his heart, mind and body and I speak words of faith over our future marriage. But that still wasn't enough. I needed accountability to make sure I didn't forget not one single day. So, I called my bestfriend Stacy and told her about my commitment to pray daily for my husband and that everyday I would text her after I was done praying for him that way she could keep me accountable. And not only did she agree but she decided she wanted to pray with me, because where 2 or more are gathered, there in the midst of them is God, so she decided that every time I texted her she would pray for him too and her husband as well. Absolutely precious!!! It has now been 2 months since we started praying for our husbands daily and I know that God is not only doing something in our future husbands but He's doing amazing things in our lives.

Prayer changes things, it aligns your vision with what God wants. God has been so faithful in these last two months to give me direct prayers to pray everyday concerning the topics of prayer for my husband. And I now will definitely know when God reveals my husband to me. Why, because it will be a direct reflection of the prayers that I have prayed. I have prayed that my husband be a man that is submitted to God, that He be a man that is lead by God, that He be a world changer, that his heart would be sensitive to the heart of God, that His family would be sold out to God, that His money would be God's money, that He would be surrounded by friends that would pour into him, that they would pray for him, that they would keep him accountable and guide him in the right direction. When you begin to pray these kind of prayers, you get a vision of what God has in store for your life and at the same time it makes it exponentially difficult for the enemy to bring a counterfeit into your life.

A few weeks ago, I was at the mall and this guy approached me and started chatting me up. Asking me what I like to do for fun, where I was from, what I did for a living, etc. Basically he was trying to let me know that he was interested in getting to know me better and after about 30 minutes of interrogating me (seriously) he asked me if I would like to go out sometime. Well in that 30 minutes I told him I went to church and asked him if he did and he said, um yeah I have gone a couple times but my schedule is crazy so I don't really go too often. And in that moment I very quickly confirmed in my head that yeah this wasn't the man I had been praying for. My husband isn't going to have a haphazard relationship with God, he is going to be a man on fire for God, someone who is running 100 miles after God. The enemy is sneaky though because on paper this guy wasn't bad but when aligned with the prayers I have prayed and the things God has confirmed in relation to my future husband this guy fell way short.

Prayer gives you a vision. And like the bible says, where there is no vision the people perish (Proverbs 29:18). We have to have a vision for our future. Whether that is a vision for your future mate, your future job, your future home, your future (you fill in the blank). Without a vision for your spouse, the enemy will bring you junk, he will bring you a fake, he will bring you heartbreak. But with God's vision you will see through that. I'm sure this man in the mall was a great person, but he was not the man for me. Had I not been praying for my husband for a month before that, I could have got myself wrapped up in a relationship that God never intended for me. I could have got distracted but my God loves me so much that He placed it on my heart a month ahead to pray for my husband. And he loves my future husband so much that he protected my heart, his future wife's heart from someone else.

If you're single, take this and make it your own. Ask God to give you specific prayers to pray for your future spouse, get someone to keep you accountable and wait for God to bring that amazing spouse into your life. Because I know that my God is faithful. He has great plans for my life and yours. I pray you are blessed and encouraged.

Love,

Michelle Nicole.

Life happens....then there's God

2010-09-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

Life happens. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and months into years all in the blink of an eye it feels sometimes. It's like that Nationwide commercial....Life comes at you fast. And for me when life starts to happen, when I get caught up in the day to day tasks, in going to work, going to the gym, coming home and getting up the next day to do it all over again, staying up super late on the weekends to catch up with girlfriends or catching a concert...it all starts to blur together and I get run down. It's in those moments when I sometimes can get distracted, when I forget that this is not the end of the road for me, God has called me to greater. While none of those things are bad, they can wear on you if you don't hold on to the promises God has told you and continue seeking His strength and guidance on how to get there.

4 years ago God spoke some pretty huge things into my life. He spoke the nations into my heart, leading/speaking at huge global conferences, having a school of leadership for under-privileged children in countries without mentors, training or opportunities. Literally speaking life into those that the world has tossed aside and made think that they are forgotten. That's huge.

And if I'm not careful, if I get too busy running the "rat race" I will get numb to those things and that's exactly what the enemy would love. But thankfully, I have women in my life who know me, who see me (see past the facade) and remind me, Michelle you are not just a girl who does human resources for a huge company, you are not just a girl who serves in her church....you are called to the nations. My friend Caitlin told me the other day, Michelle I don't know who this girl is with the grown-up job because I never met her, I only know Michelle, the woman of God who is called to the nations, who has a mighty calling on her life to do something huge to impact this globe. I know what you're thinking, and yes I have some pretty amazing women in my life.

But then there's the other end of that, my mom who says, "Michelle, why are you serving in that area of church when that has nothing to do with your calling?" To which I reply, "Mom, just because God has called me to something huge doesn't mean that I can turn my nose up at the small beginnings, at the baby steps that God has entrusted to me." So it's a balancing act, be an amazing server at church, be a fantastic employee at work, take care of your body by working out, pour into those around you that you love.....oh and remember you were made to impact the nations. Believe me, I'm not complaining about any of it, because all of it is such an incredible blessing but how do I not let life happen, how do I make sure I don't let life get in the way of the dreams in my heart.

I don't take my eye off the prize. I run this race with the goal in mind. Everything I do, whether it has to do with work or pouring into the amazing women in my life, I have to remember it's all for a purpose. And even if sometimes it doesn't make sense now, I know that His ways are definitely higher than mine and it will all make sense one day. My Jesus is funny that way. I'm sure a huge aha moment lies ahead but in the meantime I won't let life and the sometimes mundane feeling get me off track. Gotta push ahead baby!

Have a great day...I'm off to the gym now. Gotta be in shape cause the nations is huge, it's not just a specific region, the nations is a lot of freakin' land. Hmm maybe I should order new tennis...hahaha

Michelle Nicole

Sermon Notes

2010-09-01T20:25:00.001-07:00

At the end of July I went to a conference called Avivanos. And without me even expecting it, the word of God that was spoken and the way in which it was taught completely blew me away. Below I have typed up some of the notes from the conference. I was reading over them again tonight and felt that I needed to share them with you. I pray they encourage you, open your eyes and draw you nearer to God.

Love,
Michelle Nicole

Claudio Freidzon
Psalm 23

Matthew 22:37-40

Colossians 3:23-24

Do not despise the small beginnings; get excited about the word the Lord has said over you, even if with your eyes you don't see it yet.

Prepare yourself because something great is coming to your life.

God wants to stir up revival in your heart. And that fire, ministry, strength, dream will be revived.

What causes the fire to be put out?

1. Lose the purpose and the reason for being a christian.

-Losing the purpose for your life. God has saved you and he has a plan, destiny and reason for you to live.

-The purpose is to worship Jesus, spend time with Him.

-You have been chosen and called. God has a plan.

-He who began a good work in you will perfect it and bring it through to completion.

-Do not forget what God spoke to you when He saved you.

-When the enemy tries to stop you with lies, remind him that God has a plan and purpose for your life.

2. Talent/Gifts not taken advantage of; not using the gift God has given you.

-Use the gift God has given you.

-Live your life differently, let people see the change God has done in your life.

-Wherever you go the glory of God inhabits.

3. Bad management of your time. Not giving God time.

-Give God praise and thanks in all things at all time.

-Do not lose sight of the things of God, of spending time with God (praying, fellowship, serving, communion)

4. Sins that have not been confessed.

-Do not ignore problems/issues, bring them before God.

5. Living a solitary life. Moving away from counsel.

-Surround yourself with those who will lift you up when you begin to fall down.

6. Conflict that has not been resolved. (ex. Jealousy, resentment)

-Resentment undealt with will result in bitterness.

-Testify to those around you of what God has done in your life.

-Don't speak ill of others.

-Talk about Jesus.

7. When you become lukewarm

-Return to your first love

-Love the Lord you God with all your heart

-When someone does you wrong, they didn't do it to you , they did it to Him. Give it to Him, give Him your pain and failure. Let him take revenge. You serve those who have done you wrong.

Lindell Cooley

Psalm 132:13

You were made to worship, you will worship something or someone, you choose.

God will take you out of your comfort zone, take you out of your set mindset to do something new.

God will tell you what you're gonna do, what he's gonna do through you, but we create our own plan as to how to reach it. But God has his own plans and only his plans please him.

God sometimes will call you to do "crazy" things but when you are obedient his glory will come down.

The supernatural world and the natural world run parallel. The way you treat your mate is the way you treat your God. For example, do you do stuff only to get something from your mate? You probably treat God the same way.

Worship is meant to pull a sound out of you in worship/praise to God from your spirit.

Get your body and soul in line with your spirit, the spirit of God. You body is a slave to the spirit God has put inside of you.

Remember the goodness of God, remember the great things God has done in your life to get happy when you don't feel like it.

Marcos Barrientos

Isaiah 61

What is ministry or "to minister"?

-It is not leading worship, it is not being an usher, etc.

-It is what Isaiah 61 says: You are to lift up the brokenhearted, set the captives free, following what the spirit of the Lord says.

-When ministering, remember the tone in which you speak to those around you. Speak in a tone that will heal their hurts, in a tone that will comfort.

-You ministry is the not the same as your function.

3 Things that can encourage you

1. Have confidence in the work God is doing in your life.

-If you look at your condition today you might disqualify yourself even though God hasn't disqualified you.

-But if you hold on to the words and promises of God they begin to resonate in your spirit, then it ministers all the way deep down inside of you

-Do not let go of His promises.

-A good memory is important for your spirit in your life.

-Psalm 103:3-5 quote it to encourage you when you start to feel down.

-He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.

-Inside of you are songs of healing. Other people are dying to hear them and if you don't sing it they will die. You telling your story ministers to others.

2. Make yourself available to be used by God

-Although we can't help we can position ourselves to be used by God to reach/heal others.

-Psalm 23

-The confidence needed to minister by the power of the holy spirit comes from the experience you've had with the Lord. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Because you can't take people where you haven't already been.

-Never succumb to the negative news you hear, God has good news.

3. God gives you the correct medicine

-He fills you with what you are lacking.

Betty Friedzon

-The times of frustration are not to kill your dream but to make your feet firm on God's foundation.

-If you are single, be obedient to God, grab hold of Him and see that the best is yet to come. He has the best for you.

2 Kings 4:8-37

-Make your heart a place of God's dwelling. Welcome the Holy Spirit into your life, into your heart everyday.

Claudio Freidzon

Colossians 4:14-15

Philemon 1:24

2 Timothy 4:10

-Demas: literally means, "he that can lead, govern others"

-Demas started well but ended bad.

2 Conclusions as to why Demas did not end well

1. A good start does not guarantee a good finish.

-Don't let life get in the way of finishing well, of having a passion for God.

-Your heavenly father will come in when you start to feel weak so that you can finish the race.

-It doesn't matter what happened yesterday because God makes all things new.

2. Lost having a purpose, stopped having a dream

-Protect the dream/gift that God has given you.

-Lift up the hands of those who are losing the battle and give them words of encouragement, they will not stop the race of life halfway.

-Do not get stuck in your sin, ask God to help you, ask those around you for help.

Cash Luna

Luke 5:17-18, 20-26

-You can be under the anointing to do something but not actually use it. (Jesus in this story had the power to heal but wasn't healing.)

-You might be anointed to do something but you need to ask God how to administer it, how to use it, when to use it.

-Learn to see what others don't see. Do not trust your earthly vision but your supernatural vision. Follow God not your emotions. Do not assume things about other people.

-God is faithful, He answers our cries but He does it on His timing. But He always answers.

-You can't quit halfway through a trial, you have to stay to see the miracle happen.

-How many times do you think God has allowed trials to come to your life to increase your faith and you've thought it was the devil. He increases your faith because He only moves by your faith.

-If you're gonna be a woman of God you've gotta get over your prejudice of asking.

-When you are ministering you need to ask God for a sensitive heart towards the spirit.

-We must learn to see and then to say and then see what God does.

-There doesn't need to be music or emotion for the anointing to be there, there only has to be faith and the anointed will move according to the faith you have.

-When ministering, living your life in a way that will minister to others you have to balance your life w/the word and the power of God.

-You won't know your faithful until you are tested.

-God will bless you with money to see what you will do with it. What you do with it is what you'll do with God's power/anointing.

-He is testing to see your administration.

-God gives you a spouse to see how you treat them because that is how you will treat His bride, the church.

-The mind is used for thinking, but the heart is used for believing.

-To see if you are loyal and trustworthy of His presence, of His anointing He will see how you administer parts of your life (finances, your house, etc.) - do you buy everything you can or what you should.

The A21 Campaign: abolishing injustice in the 21st century

2010-08-24T04:41:00.000-07:00

SCTNow Promo Video.mov

2010-08-24T04:40:00.000-07:00

Human-trafficking

2010-08-24T04:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a horrible dream that for millions across the globe is a reality.

I had a dream that I was on a moving RV/bus vehicle that had various rooms on it and a bathroom with a shower. On that bus was my mom, my brother, myself, many other victims of human trafficking and about 40 men who were holding us all captive. In the dream my mom would try and protect me, shield me from the men raping me and so they would rape her instead. In the dream I remember screaming and crying because while I was so afraid, I didn't want them harming my mom. I remember feeling as if though I was stuck, I was so scared but I knew I had to get out somehow. The men on the RV would grab me, and I would scream and do everything I could to make them stop. It was horrific. Then they raped me. I was devastated and all I could do was cry. But it was at that point that I remember looking at my mom and saying, "mom, this feels like hell on earth, I am going to escape, we have to somehow get out of here" and she said "but how", "I don't know mom but we have to do something."

In the bus there was a side door and windows. At that moment I ran to the side door and was about to run out when my mom told me to wait because all those men that were holding us captive were outside and they would see me and kill me. So I waited. Shortly there after the bus pulled into a gas station and I knew that was my moment, so I rolled down a small window and started screaming for the people around to please call the police because we were being held hostage as victims of human trafficking on that bus. I remember the looks on the people's faces, they were shocked, they didn't know what to do, they just stared at me horrified. I knew that I had to do more, I had to escape so I squeezed myself out of the window and while I was doing that one of the men in the bus started charging towards me with a huge gun, I didn't know if he was going to kill me but in that moment I didn't care, I knew that either way death would be better than the hell that we were living being held captive.

I climbed on the roof of the bus and I remember the man shouting that he was going to shoot me through the roof of the bus, so I ran as fast as I could towards the front of the bus and jumped down before he saw me. But I remember before I ran off I saw my brother, he yelled for me through the window that he loved me and for me to keep running. As I ran with tears streaming down my face because I knew the men were going to kill him and my mom because I had escaped, I knew I had to escape and tell someone. I knew it was the only was to rescue the others. I ran into this neighborhood, I was so scared, I had never felt so much fear in my life, but I knew I had to get away. I remember I ran up to the fourth house on that street, I went in through their backdoor and started crying and asking the husband and wife in the house to please call the police, that I was a victim of human trafficking. I kept telling them to please close all of their windows and doors because I was so scared that the men were going to come and find me. I kept looking around in such a panic, wanting to hide until the police arrived but crying so hard because I knew my family was going to be killed. I had never felt such pain, I was uncontrollably crying and then I woke up.

When I woke up, I still had that fear for a second and then I realized that God had allowed me to see through a dream what the victims of human trafficking go through, what it feels like and it is horrific. I cried and begged God to please rescue those victims, to please bring justice, but at the same time I felt so helpless, God what can I do to help.

Isaiah 61:1
"The spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."

Human trafficking is real. It's something that is happening right now all over the world. And not enough people really know that much about it. We must do something to help. There are people, victims, dying everyday while we go about living our lives unaware of their pain. I heard about Human Trafficking about two and a half years ago and have been giving to help fight it through an organization called A21 Campaign. You can help too. There is another organization that you can give to called Stop Child Trafficking Now. Both of these organizations fight against human trafficking everyday, they are rescuing victims all over the world and restoring them through the love of Jesus. You can do something. We can all give excuses as to why we can't give but honestly, what is so important that we can't give, is it our monthly pedicures, manicures, our daily Starbucks coffee, while none of these things are bad, and I'm not trying to make you feel bad for enjoying these things, they've been my excuse too, they shouldn't come before saving lives of innocent victims.

This blog is read from people all over the world. Please do something, anything, you can pray for the victims, that God would send people/organizations to rescue them, that the people who are keeping the victims hostage would turn from their ways and be saved by Jesus, that God would open your heart and your eyes to help fight this injustice in your part of the world.

We were sent to set the captives free. Join me in being their freedom.

Thank you so much.

Michelle Nicole.

Praising in the storm

2010-08-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

"And I will praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I cry
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm"

Lyrics from Praise you in this storm by Casting Crowns

Since the age of 3 I had suffered from chronic migraines. My mom says she remembers me always grabbing my head and crying to her that my head hurt. It was normal for me to get a headache about 4-5 times a week. Yet at the same time what was my normal was not normal. As a child I should not have been getting headaches on the regular. My mom did not have her first headache until she was 25 years old and here I was getting them regularly from the age of 3. As the years went by the intensity of the headaches worsened. And still plagued me until about a week and a half ago.

At the end of July I went to a conference in Dallas and I remember the speaker talking about how God is our healer and how nothing is impossible for him. So that night during worship I cried out to God and begged him to please remove these migraines that had plagued me all my life, and ironically that I had at the moment I was praying for healing. And I got nothing. So I cried out again but this time I was more angry and I said, "God, I'm not leaving this worship gathering until you heal me. I refuse to leave without my healing." And still nothing. And it was at that moment that inside of me I felt, this question, God, how am I going to tell people that you're a healer if you won't even heal me? And when I thought that I broke down crying. I think a few songs went by and all I could do was cry, I couldn't say a word. And about the third song, I looked up and just said, "You know what God, even if you don't heal me, I will still trust you, and I will still tell people that you are a healer, and I will still say that you are God, even if I never get my healing, I know that you are good." And with that I calmed down, the migraine was still there but my heart was set on the fact that God was good regardless and that my healing would come, even if I didn't feel it. So, we left that night back to our hotel room and I remember rubbing my head because it hurt so bad and my mom telling me, "Michelle, don't you have any excedrin?" I literally have taken thousands of excedrin probably in my lifetime, just in the last 3 months I've gone through 2 huge bottles so this question wasn't exactly a weird question to ask because I ALWAYS carried excedrin migraine with me everywhere I went. But that night was different, I replied, "Mom, I'm done taking excedrin, that stuff is so incredibly bad for my stomach lining and I'm trusting that God will heal me." And with that I went to bed.

Now normally if I went to bed with a migraine and didn't take anything it was a 100% sure bet that I was going to wake up and the migraine was still going to be there. But that next morning it was gone. It didn't hurt one bit. And as I took a shower that morning I just remember crying tears of joy and thanking God because I knew he had healed me. No more would I have to deal with migraines, ever again.

Then yesterday came and with it a migraine. And to be honest it is now the next morning and it is still there. I've prayed and I know that God is not a man that he should lie, He healed me a week and a half ago and no matter what symptoms I feel I know that He is still my healer. Even as I type these words I feel the pain in my head but I'm trusting in Him. And I'm not gonna lie and say that the last 24 hours has been easy because it hasn't, I have thought of taking excedrin migraine because I know that it works, it has a million times in the past but I also know that God is my healer and that if his word says that "By His stripes we are healed" then I am healed. So like the song lyrics say, I will praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for you are who you are no matter where I am. And just like in previous posts I have told many of you to not lose hope and not lose faith as you go through your trials because He is faithful, I will not lose hope and I will not lose faith that He has and will heal my head again.

Psalm 3:3-4,8 "But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. From the Lord comes deliverance."

There is destiny inside of you

2010-08-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's been 30 years since my mom left her country of origin, El Salvador. When she left she was leaving in a state of panic because there was a war going on between the guerrilla and the police enforcement. The guerrilla was basically trying to kill all those in politics and anything having to do with the government. The year was 1980 and my mom was studying in the university to be a lawyer. She was heavily involved in politics and because of that she and her family were targeted by the guerrilla. One night while my mother, my two uncles and my grandmother were all sleeping their house was gunned down by machine guns from all sides of the house. Someone had put a hit on her family and had paid a price in order to have my mom killed, my mom remembers seeing bullets flying through the walls and all she did was grab her two brothers and laid as still as possible on the floor. That night while my mom laid there I know that it was only the hand of God that protected them because not one single bullet touched any of them, nor did the guerrilla go inside to make sure that they had killed everyone in the house like they normally would.

The next morning my grandmother, my two uncles and my mother all started a very dangerous trek through El Salvador, then through Mexico to the United States as illegals. They paid a man to literally bring them across the border until they finally reached my great aunt's house in Houston, TX.

Tonight the Lord reminded me of that story that my mom has told me over a hundred times. He showed me how He had his hand over my mom's life because she had a destiny inside of her. She would one day give birth to two children, Carlos and Michelle. Who would then at the ages of 21 and 22 would become saved and then they would in turn touch other lives and those lives would touch other lives and so on and so forth to spread the news of Jesus. That night when those men came and gunned down my mom's house, God saw the destiny of generations to come through my mom's life and he said "no" to the enemy's plan to kill my mom. God knew that one day she would be the mom of two children who would do amazing things for God. .

Psalm 33:11 "But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations."

Inside of me, inside of you there is destiny. There are people that He has destined for you to reach, there are physical blessings that will be birthed through you and will impact this globe for Jesus one day.

So do not fear when trials come for the Lord your God has a plan that will be fulfilled through your life. 30 years ago God thought of me when those men tried to kill my destiny inside of my mom but His purposes stood firm and will continue to stand firm for generations to come.

Think of the possibilities, think of the generations that will come out of you. You were destined for so much more than you could ever think or imagine. Don't give up, don't turn around there's destiny inside of you.

Love,

Michelle

It's a heart issue

2010-08-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

Faith is believing with your heart and not your mind. Our mind always will try and rationalize things but our heart doesn't know rationalization, it only knows what it feels. Have there ever been times in your life where you've thought, "I know this sounds crazy but I feel in my heart that God wants me to do this or do that", but really if you think about it with your mind only it sounds absolutely absurd. That's because faith comes from the heart. Faith means believing deep down inside your heart even if with your eyes you don't see it yet. It's when you have faith that God will provide financially even though your bank statement says your bank account is in the negative. It's when you have faith that God has healed you even though the doctor says otherwise, it's when you believe God has a great spouse for you while you are going through a rough season of single hood. Faith never makes sense outside of God, but with God faith makes all the difference.

This past week I went to a Spanish conference called Avivanos and it was mind-blowing. And I say that because although they didn't teach on anything I didn't already know about, they didn't show me some new scripture I hadn't already seen, it did cause a mind shift in regards to my faith. God's word is infallible, it is without void, it is and will always be true.

Luke 11:9-10 "Ask and you shall receive....for everyone who ask receives."

Galatians 6:7 "Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."

Luke 1:37 "For nothing is impossible with God."

Like you probably, I had read these scriptures a million times, I had heard them preached over and over in my time as a Christian but I had never really taken them to heart until last week. Normally my prayer would go a little something like this:

"Jesus, I ask that you would please save my dad. Please don't let him ever die without knowing you." and then next week I would pray it again. "Please Lord save my dad, protect him, don't let him leave this earth without knowing you." Now while those prayers aren't bad they were a little bit contradictory to my supposed faith. Why did I feel like I had to plead with God? Why did I feel the need to beg him over and over and over? Because when my natural eyes wouldn't see the response I wanted I would assume he hadn't heard me and that I needed to beg him some more. And that is just plain incorrect.

But if I look at those scriptures, that are infallible and realize that His word does not lie, so if He says ask and you shall receive then if I ask God to save my dad then regardless of whether I see a change with my natural eyes or not, I trust that God has heard my prayer and that I have received my request because a.) I am His daughter and b.) His word says so. My prayer life has change dramatically and my faith has increased exponentially just by this revelation alone. I now come before God and make my requests known, I thank Him for it and wait for my natural eyes to see what has already been granted in the supernatural.

The same thing with reaping and sowing. What we sow is always going to be what He uses for us to reap from. If I sow x amount of money into an anti-human trafficking organization like a21campaign.com then it doesn't matter how much money I invest I know that I will reap a harvest because it is going towards providing justice and setting the captives free. And since that money is going towards God's plan to save this earth then I know that there's another scripture that says you can't out give God, so I know that He will in turn bless me more to be a greater blessing towards his Kingdom. His word says it so that means it will happen.

Since I received this revelation my prayer life has been completely changed. And my faith has increased beyond what I could have ever expected. Another scripture to grab a hold of is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for your declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." He has great plans for your future and do you know when your future is? It's the next second from now, it tomorrow, it next week, it's next month. He has great plans for you, your future is not full of gloom and doom it is full of greatness. Tomorrow will be a great day! Tonight I will have great sleep because it's in my future in the next hour!

When you take these scriptures that we've all heard and truly believe them with your heart, you will never pray the same way again and you will never live your life the same way again. His word is the bread of life, consume it, devour it and keep your eyes open because it will always always always come true. God is not a man that he should lie.

Love,

Michelle

Walls

2010-07-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 25: 11-12 "They will spread out their hands in it, as a swimmer spreads out their hands to swim. God will bring down their pride despite the cleverness of their hands. He will bring down your high fortified walls and lay them low; he will bring them down to the ground, to the very dust."

Walls can be something we use as a defense mechanism to "protect" us, to "guard" us but they can also be used to block you in, to hold you captive, to make you a slave. I realized not too long ago that I in fact had put up a wall, a wall around my heart and although at first it was meant to protect me it had somewhat started to box me in, to cage me. And after talking to a few girlfriends I noticed they too had in fact done the same thing. And something clicked. We are walled in, not by our enemy but by ourselves.

We have taken ourselves out of the ring because of fear. It's that mentality of, "I'm gonna put a wall up so no one ever hurts me again" but in doing so you block yourself off from living life, from experiencing greatness. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) Yes the bible does also say to guard your heart, obviously don't go giving your heart to just anyone either, don't start dating everyone and their dog but give your heart to God, chase after Him, trust Him and ask Him to check your heart, to reveal to you those things that you haven't dealt with maybe because up until now you haven't really had to. What is it that has caused you to put up this wall? What is the root cause?

For me personally it was a confidence issue. I didn't feel confident in my own body, I wasn't happy with the way I felt, I didn't feel attractive, I didn't feel desirable, just the thought of dating someone and have them hug me or touch me freaked me out because I wasn't happy with my body. But I hadn't even realized this because for months I had put up this wall so as to not have to deal with dating. Well the question of would you be willing to go out on a date with such and such friend of mine came up recently and I panicked. I was like well why would he want to date me and then I realized whoa something is wrong, why am I even thinking this way. And it came down to a confidence issue, in order to avoid the rejection I was sure I would receive because I wasn't "fit" in my eyes I had put up a wall. And here this whole time I thought I had put up a wall just to guard my heart but once that wall was poked at I realized that wall was actually something else that was keeping me caged in. I had gone this whole time without dealing with the root of the problem. So since then I have started working on gaining my self confidence back, I started eating better, working out and asking God to help me tear the walls down. That's the thing about walls, once you see them you have a choice, will you tear them down or will you choose to remain caged. Personally, I don't want to miss out on life, on God ordained friendships and relationships because of fear and walls.

God, tear down the walls completely, show me the areas of my heart that I have allowed to be caged by fear. Help me to remain faithful to eating good and working out not because I need to be a certain size to fit with what society says women should look like but so that I can feel comfortable in my own skin and be healthy. Amen.

While I didn't actually end up going on the date with the guy my friend was trying to set me up with, I am glad that the situation poked at a wall that had actually become a cage and in doing so it has better prepared me for when God does bring that God-ordained relationship into my life. Thank you Jesus!

Love, Michelle.

Is there anything that has caged you in? Do you need to allow Him to tear down the walls?

Free

2010-07-11T19:53:00.000-07:00

God is so beyond faithful. During the last 13 months I have been walking out a long process of forgiveness, restoration, and freedom. And today was the day He showed me I am finally done, I am free! Although I knew I was free the first day I turned to God and said, "God help me", it wasn't until today that I finally felt free. Healing is a process that has various stages, and during all of this I remember so many times thinking, God am I ever going to get over this, is this ever going to stop hurting, am I ever going to be able to let go? And I can without a shadow of a doubt say...YES, it has all gone away. I don't hurt anymore at all. I am brand-new, I am healed and it feels soooo incredibly good.

Jesus, I could never repay you for what you've done for me, for setting me free, for restoring me, for forgiving me, for making me new, for giving me the strength to not stop trusting you. And there were so many times as I was walking out this season that I would get so frustrated, I would feel like I am not making any progress, I would look back to the past and drag the pain out even longer and it would cause the pain to hurt even more but through it all I kept trusting Him. And some days that looked like me crying on my bedroom floor and praying that He would take it all away and other days it was me making decisions to not go here or not go there, to delete my facebook page, to cut friendships out of my life and just trust that He was in control; Taking one step after another. I remember having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and saying, this sucks while I'm walking through it and I just can't wait to be at that point where it doesn't hurt anymore but will that ever happen? And how will I know? And then today happened, today was when He showed me that I was in fact done. Done with this season. Done with it all.

I.AM.FREE.

And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't because of anything I did, it wasn't because I'm so holy or because I pray for hours at a time, or because I'm some sort of perfect saint but because I cried out to my Father and He answered me. All because He loves me. And because He is good.

I'm free and it feels amazing. Thank you Jesus! You are faithful, You are healer, You are true, You are my everything and I am so beyond thankful.

He will do it for you too. Just don't give up no matter how hard it gets, keep trusting and keep moving forward even if it's baby steps. He is faithful.

Psalm 33:4 For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.

Michelle

A picture is worth a thousand words

2010-06-30T22:42:00.001-07:00

At any given moment if you were to take a snapshot of my life currently, as it is now, it would be a representation of a culmination of things. The person I am now is made up of a lot of life experiences. It's made up of the wisdom I have learned from life. Wisdom defined is what is learned through costly experience. I have had a lot of costly experiences in my life but they all have shaped me and formed me into who I am now. At the women's conference Holly Wagner talked about the movie Karate Kid, the old one not the new remixed one lol But in the old one Mr. Miagi taught daniel son how to do karate by means of some creative tasks. For example wax on, wax off, the motion of rubbing wax onto a car, then painting up and down a fence for hours, basically at the time daniel son was getting so fed up because here he thought he was going to be taught Karate yet to the naked eye it looked like all he was having him do was chores. But then at the right moment Mr. Miagi threw a couple moves towards daniel and surprisingly he was prepared and able to block the moves. Why? Because in doing all the "chores", Mr. Miagi had taught him the basic moves of Karate. The same goes in life, the experiences we face are all pieces that God uses to prepare us for things that will come our way in life, whether they be good or bad.

If you're around me for like two seconds you will realize I love to laugh, and I laugh loud. But that laugh is full of so much joy and was birthed out of a lot of years of silence, a lot of years of being the shy kid that now even though at times I may like to be quiet I actually love love love to laugh. There are so many times at work when my co-workers will pop in and just make me laugh so hard that I swear the entire company can hear me but I love it. This joy that I have is something that God has given me. He has brought so much beauty from the ashes that once were my life.

Then there's this patience that He has blessed me with. I haven't always been patient, believe me but during various season of waiting whether it be for a job, a loved one to get saved, a new car, an answer to prayer or for my husband, He has taught me the power of patience. And it's funny because in my career dealing with all sorts of employee relations I have to have patience and it now comes very natural for me but it's all stemmed from life experiences.

Wisdom, the what not to do's of life, wow, all I can say is I have definitely learned a lot about wisdom from making some very poor choices. I now know how not to live your teenage life, how not to waste your time, how not to have a christian relationship, how not to treat my friends, how not to lessen pain with substances, how not to dress (this goes way back to my funky high school days hahaha) and so on. But even with all those crazy experiences it has only taught me how to do life better and it has given me so much insight to share with others that might be walking down some of the same paths that I once walked down.

And then there is this relationship which connects all the pieces together...my relationship with my saviour. And that happened through a lot of prayer by my prayer warrior mama, by a divine appointment and an incredible revelation of His love for me. It's this love that has turned my whole world around.

He has ordained all the days of my life and He has written my story out beyond the point I am at now. But honestly in the grand scheme of things my life isn't only about the here and now, here on earth, it's about so much more, it's about the eternal. The story of my life on earth is only a small piece of the bigger picture.

And that grand picture, the one that I have yet to see completely, now that picture is worth so much more than a thousand words.

Singleness

2010-06-29T22:04:00.001-07:00

So I've been single for about a year now God and while I know you haven't forgot about me there are times when it's hard. Just being honest.

But then at the same times there are times when I truly love being single. This past week I spent 5 days in California, 3 of which were at this amazing women's conference called Godchicks where I was introduced to the incredible teaching of Priscilla Shirer. Tonight I was looking on her blog site and stumbled upon some of her teachings/interviews about single hood and was so encouraged. Being single isn't something that one is called to, so even though at times I remind God, "um so I'm getting older Jesus and there's seriously no prospects around...at all! How is this going to happen?" he only has me single for a season. Jesus likes to work in seasons, there have been seasons in my life where it was hard, for example when I graduated college at the top 25% of my class, double-major and yet couldn't find a real job for 4 years, that was a really tough season but it was exactly that...a season. And after 4 years of waiting on God, He gave me the most amazing job ever, something that I would have never thought I would love but I totally do and I'm seriously blessed to work with some of the most humble, selfless, loving people ever!

I know me being single is just for a season and some days I'm okay with that but somedays its hard, I get lonely, I miss the affection that occurs in a relationship and the feeling of having your best friend who adores you. But most days, I just remind myself that this is a season, and in the current season I'm in I have the amazing opportunity to spend my time how I want, whether that be working out, spending time with my girlfriends, watching chick flicks, flying around the country to visit loved ones, friends or going to encouraging women's conferences like Godchicks.

Everything is about perspective, I can either look at this season as lonely because I'm not in a relationship or I can look at it as me being fortunate to have all my time to spend with those I love and loving on my savior. Priscilla in her blog said, "don't think that being married isn't hard, it's hard just like singleness is hard but it's a different kind of hard, especially once kid's come into the picture." So if you're reading this and you're single know that this is just for a season. Don't lower your standards, keep trusting God, be open to dating (this is more a reminder for me because well dating doesn't mean what the world says, but it's being open to getting to know people better, not being afraid) and enjoy where you are at currently because this season will pass and you don't want to miss out on great opportunities.

When I was looking for a job I had my sights set on what I wanted and honestly looking back, if God would have given me what I wanted I would not be as happy and fulfilled as I am currently. He is faithful. And I know that He wants what's best in all areas of my life. I will not settle, I will not bend, I will not believe what society says or thinks, I will not shrink to accommodate for anyone, I will be me, I will be the daughter that He has called me to be, the amazing woman that He has formed me to be, I will believe what He says about me and I will wait for my confident, Jesus adoring, whole, loving, serving, strong, incredibly anointed, passionate, humble man to come into my life.

Michelle

P.S. Check out this awesome song, I'm loving it!

Unshaken

2010-06-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

His word says He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That He is faithful, that He has good plans for those who love Him. But He also warns us that in this world we will have trouble, but not to worry because He has overcome the world. His word also reminds us that when hard times come we are to stand, stand firm in fact, stand on His promises, stand on His character, stand on what His word says. Just because bad things happen it doesn't mean that He isn't on the throne, that He can't turn things around, that He isn't who He says He is.

God is God regardless of whatever obstacles come in my life. God is still God when I hurt. God is still God when the plans that I thought would happen don't happen. God is still God when the doctor says you have cancer, God is still God when your parents decide to divorce, God is still God when your best friend stabs you in the back, God is still God when you lose your job, God is still God when your baby dies upon birth from complications, God is still God when the man of your dreams moves on to another. God is still God no matter what the storm is, no matter how it looks, God is still God.

Today I found out some news that normally would have rocked me to the core, would have devastated me but in that moment when all sorts of thoughts were swirling in my head I heard this...I am still God no matter the circumstance. And I received so much comfort from that because it's true. He is in control of my life and His plans are always better than mine and no matter how it looks now He is more than able to turn things around.

So while in the past I would have been a mess, I probably would have gotten drunk to numb the pain, I rested in my God, the God who loves me beyond measure, the God who never lets me go, the God who gives me peace that surpasses all understanding, the God who not only comforts me but empowers me to actually be joyful in this moment. I am not shaken, this situation doesn't have control over me, I am still the same girl I was this morning before I found out the news, I am still the daughter of the King of Kings, I am still completely and wholly His.

Things happen. Life happens. But if you trust in Him above all, those things which were meant to hurt you, to destroy you will leave you unshaken.

Michelle

Growth

2010-06-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

Jesus,

You are my creator, you designed me, you understand me, you see the areas of lack in me, and you know how to mold me and shape me to perfection. You know when to say no in certain seasons to cause me to grow. You know when to say yes and push me to do things that I would have never thought I could do. You know when to prune me, when to remove people from my life and then when to bring others into my life. You know when I need a break and when I'm ready for the next level. You know me. And you know me better than I know myself.

During this season I am open. My desire is to grow. To be prepared for what you have in store ahead. One area where I need your help is communication. Show me when to speak, how to speak, give me courage. Teach me. Lord, I would also like a mentor. A woman that has walked the path that you have me on, a woman that can encourage me, that will push me and that will pray for me. Lord, I know you have put this desire in my heart for a reason because you have more for me, but that requires greater preparation and closer walk with you.

Lord I want to be like the five virgins in the bible who had the oil, who were prepared for the bridegroom. Not like the five foolish virgins who didn't have oil and were therefore shut out of the wedding banquet.

Matthew 25:10 "But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut."

I want to be prepared for the plan you have for my life. Fine tune me Lord. I need you.

Water my thirsty soul. Refresh me. Clean my heart.

When I begin to boast because I'm not where I used to be, remind me of the journey, remind me that my path still lies ahead. I have not arrived at the end destination yet, this is only the beginning.

My husband lies ahead, my babies lie ahead, souls to be reached lie ahead, rescued trafficked victims lie ahead, women that I will encourage lie ahead. Help me to not veer off the path but to reach those whom you have in store for me to do life with.

I love you Jesus. And I love the journey, the view is great from here.

Michelle Nicole

Arise

2010-05-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 60: 1-2 "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you."

Arise: get up, come into being, move upward. Arise from your day to day life, arise from the routine-ness of life, arise out of the things that weigh you down, arise from the stress, arise from the worry, arise from your doubt. Arise! There are so many things in this world that will try and get us down, that will try and steal our focus, our energy and get us distracted. As the scripture says, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, arise from self, from your own world and let His glory shine through you. As I read this I felt the Lord saying, get out of your world and into mine, let me shine through you to remove the darkness in the lives of those around you.

As of late I have grown to literally hate mindless chatter. The surface level conversations bore me and seriously annoy me. My desire is to know my friends better, to know their hearts, their desires, their dreams, their hurts. I could care less about the surface level things. I want to get in their world. I want to shine His light in their world. And I will admit I don't always do a great job of shining His light but I try my hardest to chip away at the surface level junk and get to the heart. I love hearing about my friends dreams, it inspires me and shows me how to encourage them, how to pray for them. Because all the people that come into my life are seriously amazing in their own way. And they have passions that the Lord has put in them that for one reason or another at times has been either put out by others or seriously tamed by the world. But Jesus put these dreams, desires, passions in our lives for a reason. We are to shine His light into the world. Shine literally means to be bright, to reflect light, to glow, to be distinguished.

When I ask my friends what their dreams are, what their passions are, they literally light up. Their whole expression changes, they get so excited, they smile, it's crazy but they really do SHINE.

You were created to shine. Jesus, created us all for a purpose, to remove the darkness and shine His light. And you were created to do that by just being you. Whatever your dreams are, do it! Reach them. He put them in there for a reason, because you will ROCK at them.

Arise, dust off the heaviness of this world, and shine His light!

Rooting for you,

Michelle Nicole

Grace

2010-05-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gotten to a place in your walk with God where you finally just got real, where you laid it all out there, the good and the bad? Where you admitted your faults, where you were transparent and honest about the mess in your life? I know for me personally I have had these moments probably more times than I can even count. And for me they're usually moments where I'm so ashamed, I feel like such a failure and if I'm truly honest it's not until I have really hit rock bottom. But never in my 27 years I've been alive has God ever extended anything less than grace towards me in my brokenness. Never has he turned me away. Never has he thrown a single stone at me. Never has he given up on me or lost patience with me. God is grace.

It's his grace that strengthens us. It's the fact that you know he won't judge you that makes us able to come to him.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Tonight, as I was talking to one of my best friends we were talking about grace and how we as God's children need to act just as Jesus does and always extend grace to those around us. To not be quick to judge and condemn those we love when they've messed up. We have all messed up, we have all been at the bottom of the pit. So if he extends grace and he lives inside of you and me then we need to extend grace to others. When your friend, co-worker, family member etc. confides in you and shines a light on the darkness in their life, extend grace, be a helping hand, don't judge, don't condemn because in doing so all it does is cause others to then hide their sin. Don't make people feel as if though they have to be perfect, because no one is perfect. I think that's why so many people parade around with masks and never truly deal with their issues because they're too busy trying to act perfect so they won't be judged. And in doing so remain in their pit. You extending grace can be what leads someone to freedom.

Colossians 4:6 "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Extend grace. Let people be real with you. Let the masks fall off and be open and ready to listen, be compassionate. I know it's hard at times to extend grace but remember you were once there too. And to be honest we are all extended grace everyday because none of us are perfect.

I need his grace everyday. And I'm glad that he gives it willingly.

Grace: free and unmerited favor or beneficence of God.

Jesus,

I don't deserve your grace, it is very much unmerited but you give it freely. You are always quick to forgive us and strengthen us to get back up. Put that in me for others. That grace would always be my natural response to everyone I encounter. Help me to not judge, to not condemn, not in my thoughts or ever in my actions but to have compassion. Never let me think of myself as ever above anyone else. I am and always will be a sinner that you saved by grace. I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Love (continued)

2010-05-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was sweeping the kitchen I got this huge revelation. Granted it might not be huge to you reading this but for me and my heart it was amazing! I was thinking about love and why I feel I have to hear Jesus say I love you everyday, all day long. I was thinking maybe I was weak or something for having to hear it everyday. Like I must have some huge defect because I couldn't just understand that He love me. And then it hit me.

When you're in a relationship you tell each other I love you everyday. With my family I tell them I love them everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. With my friends, I tell them I love them every time I talk to them, every time I see them. I never get tired of hearing it nor do I get tired of saying it because I love them all that much. I love feeling loved by those around me. There are so many times when my co-worker will walk over to my desk and just hug me and tell me she loves me, for no reason other than that she thought of me and wanted to tell me. And that's how it is with my relationship with You. I should never get tired of hearing it, and I will never feel like okay you don't have to tell me anymore cause I know you love me. No, cause I would never say that in a marriage, I would never say honey you don't ever have to say I love you anymore, I know you do, so let's never say it again. No, those words would never come out of my mouth. Why, because my love would overflow everyday for him and I would want to tell him everyday, not out of obligation but because I love him that much that I never would get tired of telling him. And I would never ever get tired of hearing it.

Jesus, I will never tire of hearing you tell me you love me. And that's how you created me, that's why you desire a relationship with me not just one conversation. How silly of me to question my desire for Your love. How silly of me to think that I must have some defect or something. No, I love hearing you say I love you everyday because I'm in love with you. Because I never tire of saying it to you and You never tire of saying it to me.

Wow! I love you I love you I love you times infinity!

-Michelle Nicole

Love

2010-05-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

I love being in love. The butterflies you get in your tummy, the huge smile that comes across your face when that special someone walks into the room, the endless time you want to spend with that person. Love makes me so incredibly happy. When I fall in love I fall head over heels in love, to where nothing and no one else matters but that person. I'm so guilty of being that girl who hardly see's her friends because she always wants to be with her love.

Tonight I saw a movie called Love Letters to Julia and it was so good. It was a very romantic love story and it left me feeling so happy. Why is it that love stories make me feel this way Jesus? Love stories put me in the greatest mood, I love looking at wedding pictures, listening to stories of how 2 people fell in love, watching other people who are in love stirs my heart.

Your scriptures say that love conquers all. And love does conquer all. Love knows no boundaries. Love is passionate, it's like no other feeling.

Love makes you do crazy things. It makes you do things you normally wouldn't do. Jesus, You died on a cross because You love me. You came down to earth and became a man to die a sinner's death all because of love. You saved me because you love me. You never left my side when I was a sinner, when I didn't want anything to do with you, all because you love me. You protected my life when I was out in the world because you love me. You didn't let my mom abort me, all because you love me.

You love me. You love me for me. You love all of me. Even when I don't deserve it, you still love me. And you love me passionately. You bless me. You love me through my family, my puppy, my incredible friends. You. Love. Me.

And you are moved for me. When I'm down you comfort me, when I'm frustrated you calm me, when I'm confused you give me clarity, when I'm stressed you give me peace. All because you love me.

I'm sorry that many times I have shown more love to people here on earth than I have for you. I'm sorry that I have sacrificed time with you for time with others. Forgive me Jesus.

I love you Jesus. My soul longs for you. My heart is only satisfied by you. Consume me Jesus.

Love is mentioned over 600 times in the bible. The love that you have for me. My heart is stirred with our love story.

Deuteronomy 23:4-6 "For they did not come to meet you with bread and water on your way when you came out of Egypt, and they hired Balaam son of Beor from Pethor in Aram Naharaim to pronounce a curse on you. However, the Lord your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you."

You turn curses into blessings for me, because you love me. Why is it so hard for me to comprehend how much you love me sometimes? Why do I need to be reminded of it daily? Why can't I just understand that of course you love me, you died for me? Why do I have to hear it everyday?

Because I never get tired of telling you. Because I want to tell you I love you everyday. Because you are my love. You are who has captured my heart and I want to do everything to capture your heart again over and over everyday.

I don't deserve you Jesus. I love you regardless.

God, I love you, I adore you, I am moved by you, I forsake all others for more of you. I need you. Flood my heart with more of your love.

Te adoro, no hay nadie como tu.

-Michelle Nicole.

Pour out

2010-05-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

Last week I had a minor hiccup at work. An error that I made. It wasn't a huge deal, to be completely honest the employee's information who I messed up wasn't even mad, she was just glad I had fixed it. But in correcting the issue I had to talk to my boss about it, I had to come clean about the error and explain to him what had happened and that was hard. It wasn't hard because my boss is a mean or because he would fire me but because I knew I disappointed him. And I hate that feeling. It honestly jacks with me when I know I've let someone down or disappointed them.

In a past relationship anytime I would get in a fight or disagreement with my boyfriend I would be jacked all day. Because I knew I had disappointed him. And so that day that's exactly what began to happen. I went and had the discussion with my boss, he was okay with it since I had fixed the error but when I got back to my desk I was still jacked. I wanted to cry, I felt like a complete failure. But in that moment I called out to my savior, I reached out for help and He told me this, pour out. You feel down, you feel inadequate, find someone who you in this moment can pour into.

So I did just that, even though I still felt jacked I wrote an email to a friend of mine and encouraged her, I wrote a handwritten letter to another friend that I hadn't spoken to in a while that I knew was jacked and lifted her up, spoke life giving words to her and truly poured out love to her. And once I did that He poured His peace back into me. He poured His love over me and I felt like me again. I wasn't jacked anymore, I could move forward.

I learned something new that day that I honestly wish I had learned before because it would have saved me a lot of tears in the past but I'm glad I learned it now.

Luke 6:38 "Give and it shall be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

I had heard that verse a million times before in regards to tithing but never had I applied it like I did that day. Do you need forgiveness, forgive others. Whatever you need pour it out to others and He will pour it back into your own life.

Jesus,

You are my teacher and You are so good. Thank you for always coming to my rescue and for showing me your faithfulness. Let me never get tired of pouring out to others. Use me even in my brokenness because I know that it's only your love that can make me whole. You are such an amazing God that you would not only heal us but use us in that healing process to be the answer to someone else's cry, to be You to someone else. No moment is ever wasted with You. I adore you and I'm so lucky to be loved by You. xoxoxox

Yours forever & always,

Michelle Nicole

Quiet

2010-05-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

As girls, we usually have a million thoughts going on in our heads at any given moment. We were created to be multi-taskers and as women we often wear many hats: sister, daughter, friend, mother, wife, and so on. So it only makes sense that our brain can hold so much information all at one time and have it actually function. But for the most part these thoughts don't usually just stay in our heads it comes out our mouths too. In the need to analyze every single detail of every single decision out loud with our girlfriends. It's the "he said this, but does that mean this or does it mean that", and "oh my gosh I have to do this, that and the other all before next week, I have no idea how I'm gonna accomplish it especially since I have to pick up this or make that or whatever", the possibilities are endless when it comes to the chatter that we girls have. But as of late this has changed in my life.

I have become quiet about things. The things stirring in my heart, the dreams I have, the fears that I have at times, the excitement of the possibilities that lie in the future. I am open to His plan for my life and I'm trusting. And trust sometimes means not questioning but just allowing things to happen as they may. So I'm not questioning but I am prayerfully walking by His leading and His leading only. I'm guarding my heart.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

I'm resting in Him and I know that He's got me.

Michelle Nicole

Divorce

2010-05-02T20:53:00.001-07:00

The average marriage last 7 years.

According to statistics, this year alone 200,000 marriages will end in divorce that didn't see their second anniversary.

I was listening to a podcast today on the way back from my vacation and I heard these two shocking statistics. I couldn't believe that the average marriage in America last 7 years. When I heard that all I thought was wow that's so sad.

And in that moment I heard Jesus whisper, "that's why" to a question I had been asking in my heart for about a year. And in that moment I broke down, literally sobbing in my car driving through San Antonio. But they were good tears. Thankful tears. Because He had protected me from divorce. He knew I wasn't ready, He knew we weren't ready and He allowed us to break up instead of divorcing years down the road.

Marriage is work. Marriage isn't something that you can auto-pilot through. Marriage isn't something that can be sustained only with love.

Had I got married when I wanted to, at the time I wanted to, it would have ended in divorce. Not because that person is awful, he is actually a very dear friend of mine now. But because neither one of us was willing to do the work. Neither one of us was mature enough to handle marriage, at the time.

As I continued to drive, Jesus continued to shine a light into my heart. He spoke softly to me about the areas that need His touch. The areas that I need to fix. The areas where I need to do work. And this time, I'm willing to do the work.

I want to get married one day and I want it to be forever. God has work for us to do, He has plans for me and my husband to accomplish together. He has a purpose for our marriage. The whole reason that a man and woman come together are to help each other. To be a team.

Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Ecclesiastes 4:9 "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work."

Proverbs 12:4 "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown..."
Crown here literally means victory. As a wife you have the ability to cause your husband to have victory. Your character can empower him to feel victorious. Wow!

Jesus,

Thank you for protecting me. For allowing my heart to hurt for a short period of time in order to avoid a greater pain later. Thank you for working in my heart to prepare me for my husband. Continue to illuminate the places in my heart that need your touch, that need correction. Make me the wife that will empower her husband to feel victorious. That won't run away. That will trust.

Prepare me.

Prepare him.

Mold us into the amazing power couple that you have destined us to be. That our weaknesses would be the other's strengths. That we would help eachother, accept eachother, respect eachother, encourage eachother and always be willing to grow together. That we would honor You in our relationship, that we would bring You glory.

I love you Jesus!

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Bigger than myself

2010-04-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

Jesus,

I have a dream in my heart that is bigger than me. A dream that was implanted in my heart before the beginning of time. You wrote this dream in the story of my life. You created me with this dream in mind and laid out the plan for my life to fulfill that dream.

Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

It's a dream that I could have never created on my own, nor will I ever accomplish it on my own. But it's not up to me to make it happen, it's only up to me to be willing and available to Your will. I remember the day you revealed this dream to me, this amazing plan, this incredible blessing.

It was 2006, I was 23 years old and doing Master's Commission. It was late afternoon, I was laying in bed, reading my bible and journaling and praying when all of a sudden it was like I was watching a movie. You revealed to me every intricate detail of this dream in my heart and in my mind. My degree all of a sudden made sense. The ministry that I was serving in all of a sudden made sense. It was like this huge a-ha moment for me. You the creator of the universe had revealed to me the dreams of your heart that you had created for me to accomplish on this earth.

It's now been 3 years since that dream and while I'm no where near accomplishing my dream I understand that it's a process. It's so much bigger than me. And while I don't know when it will come to pass, and I definitely don't know how since well, I don't have the resources for it, I know that in your timing it will happen.

Mother of Nations, that was a word that was spoken over my life a long time ago.

Mother literally means a woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility, a female that creates, nurtures and protects.

That's huge God. Huge. And that's not even the dream. It's the authority and responsiblity you have given me to accomplish the dream. God, make me a woman that can handle the dream you have placed in my heart.

Make me mother to those around me that need me. That I would nurture and encourage the broken around me. That I would protect those who the enemy is trying to devour. Lord, you have given me authority to trample the enemy.

Luke 10:19 "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you."

The dream is bigger than me. But it's not bigger than the dream-giver. Nothing happens in just one day, dreams are a process. Let me not lose hope during the process. Surround me with people who will encourage me along the process and who will stand up next to me and pray for me when I get weak. Open my heart and make it responsive to your word, to the strengthening word of those around me who you have entrusted me to. Never let me want to go my own way. Never let me think that this is done by my hand. But by You and You alone Jesus.

Prepare me. Rip my heart wide open and clean it. Remove pride, doubt, fear. Break me. And break anything in me that would stand in your way.

I trust you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

You live and you learn

2010-04-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

This year I turned 27. Another year closer to 30 and to be honest I like it. It's crazy how it feels like a literal light switch just flipped on in my head, I've been thinking more about saving money to purchase a house or a condo in the next 2 years. I've come to realize that for a long time I thought like a child. I hardly ever wanted to take responsibility for my actions. But as I grow older I've come to the conclusion that I am responsible for my actions.

1 Corinthians 13:11, "When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things."

I'm not perfect, I still have my moments. Like this past week for example, I managed to overdraft my account 3 times in one day, which ended up costing me $84.00 in fee's alone. Ugh! My friend's suggested I call the bank and demand to have the fee's taken off and in the past I might have, I might have thrown a fit, I might have yelled just long enough to have them cave and remove the fee's but honestly it was my fault. So I paid the fee's and sucked it up. You live and you learn. And guess what I will be doing a lot more of now, checking my account balance, knowing how much money I have in the bank before making purchases.

Life does that to us. A life well lived, is a life full of amazing experiences, lessons learned and lives impacted. It's as if though my teens and early twenties were where I made all my bad decisions and now the amazing pay-off is I've learned some great life lessons. I've made lemonade out of my lemons :)

Life is too short.

James 4:14, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

My friend Becca wrote me this concerning getting closer to turning 30 and I couldn't agree more. She said:
I think now is the time when you start looking at yourself with so much more respect based on all the things you’ve done and all the wonderful people in your life. In our 20’s we’re just starting to have those life experiences that actually teach us what kind of people we want to be.

She literally took the words right out of my heart.

Jesus,

Please help me and guide me to live my life as a life that I can look back on years from now and say that my life was a life well lived. I want to love others with passion, I want to love myself with even more passion, and I want to be so consumed with You that I never live a second with regret. That I never look back and wish I had done more. I want to spend myself everyday being you here on this earth. Please help me to be responsible, to see the lesson in each mistake made and to be a better person for it. In this life I know that I will have trouble but help me to see the good in it all. To realize that in every storm there always comes sunshine afterwards. Thank you for never letting go of my hand on this great adventure I call life :) I love you!

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Forgiveness

2010-04-16T22:28:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness isn't easy. Forgiveness isn't something that comes natural. The world conditions us to think that revenge, holding a grudge, having unforgiveness is just. That by you forgiving someone you're basically saying that what that person did was okay. When someone hurts you it's not just, it's not okay but that doesn't ever give you the right to not forgive.

Luke 6:37 "Forgive and you will be forgiven."

There are so many times where I have needed forgiveness and Jesus has always given it so freely. Even the times when I knew better, where the sin was very intentional, He still forgave me. Yet when it comes to other people hurting us, choosing to forgive can be so incredibly hard. My blog friend Sarah Markely twittered this today: "Forgiveness is a lifestyle." And it really made me think. She's right, forgiveness is a lifestyle. It's not something that we can do sometimes or only under certain circumstances, no it's something that needs to be so ingrained that it's second nature to forgive. Second nature to think the best, to not allow someone else's choices and decisions to control your life. People will let you down, we're human and humans are not perfect at all but if you choose to be a person that forgives easily you'll find that disappointments aren't that bad. You extend grace to others, you have peace. Nothing really shakes you.

Last year was literally one of the hardest years of my life. There were times when I felt like my life was over, my joy was never going to come back. I was full of so much hurt, resentment and anger for a long time. And I actually felt like I was justified in thinking that way. I didn't want to forgive. I was mad at God because I felt like He wasn't helping me, like He had lied to me, I was mad at people who I felt had caused me this hurt, this pain. It took me about 8 months to finally forgive. And it wasn't easy. I found myself having to forgive the people that hurt me everyday, over and over in my head because thoughts would come back and I'd get angry all over again. I would find out something and it would hurt me all over again and I'd get angry. And then I'd cry and ask God to help me, I'd tell him I didn't want to be bitter, I wanted to be free, I wanted to be happy again and all I would hear is forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to be bitter or you can choose to forgive.

Deuteronomy 30:19 "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live."

Choose life. It's a choice. In the bible it talks about Bathsheba. Bathsheba was married to Uriah and while he was at war, King David saw Bathsheba bathing on her rooftop and felt that he had to have her. So he sent his guards to get her and he slept with her and got her pregnant. Then to top things off he had her husband killed in order to cover up his sin and then after that her son, the one that she was pregnant with was born but died shortly there after. All this happened in the span of a year or two. So if anyone had the right to be angry, to have unforgiveness it would be Bathsheba. Angry at David, angry at God, angry at the situation that was brought upon her, the hand that was dealt to her. She hadn't asked for this to happen to her, she hadn't sought out the king. Yet she trusted God, she cried out to Him and she forgave. She raised her son Solomon to love the Lord, she loved the Lord with all her heart and she served King David as her husband. She didn't harbor bitterness or unforgiveness. It is said that the Proverbs 31 woman was written by Solomon about Bathsheba.

Proverbs 31:29-31 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Bathsheba made the choice to forgive. She choose to allow God to work through the circumstances in her life, to make her stronger, to increase her faith, to bring Him glory. Her story is told now over 2000 years later because of the lifestyle of forgiveness that she lived.

After I made the decision to forgive those who had hurt me, He healed my heart, my hurts and restored my joy. Restored my peace. Restored my hope. He restored my ability to love. I can now see those that hurt me and see them through eyes of forgiveness. And it feels so good. I have peace that is unshaken. I have love for them. I can genuinely desire nothing but the best for them.

Through that season of "death" He brought me out of it so much stronger. I can look back on that time in my life and be thankful because it caused me to grow, to change, to rest in Him and be found in Him. And I know for a fact that had I not forgiven, I would still be in that valley of death now.

He is faithful, when we forgive, He will move on our behalf. He will restore all that was lost and some. I have more peace now that I ever have. I have more joy than I ever have. I laugh more, I live passionately. I extend mercy and grace when in the past I would have written people off and harbored unforgiveness.

Forgiveness is never about the other person, it's about you. I realized just because you don't forgive someone it doesn't cause that person to feel pain, it doesn't cause them to all of a sudden stop hurting you(if anything that usually increases), it doesn't hold them back. It affects you and you alone. And worst of all, it separates you from God. Choose to forgive and trust that no matter what, no matter how bad it hurts, God is still God and He is still in control. He fights for you. Although the battle rages, it's not your battle, it's His. Unforgiveness says I'm in control but forgiveness says He's in control.

Forgiveness is not only a lifestyle...it's MY lifestyle.

Thank you Jesus! I love you!

Michelle Nicole.

Do not worry

2010-04-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

"Do not worry about your life..." Matthew 6:25

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:27

The other day I was reading Matthew 6:25 and I noticed something I had never paid attention to before. Usually I would read through the whole scripture, therefore I tell you do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes. I have probably read this scripture 50 times and had never really focused on the begining of the scripture, do not worry aobut your life.

Do you know how many hours, days even months I have spent worrying about my life? If you put all the times I have spent worrying about who I would marry, when I would marry, how many children I would have, would I have children, is this the right relationship, I'm sure it would amount to a very very long time. And really what have I added to my life by worrying about all that. How much time have I wasted?

When I read that scripture, do not worry about your life I was literally set free in my mind from a whole lot of worry. No longer do I worry about what the future holds. No more do I worry and fuss about not being married. I just trust. And live day by day.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Matthew 6:34

I don't need to worry about even tomorrow, let alone worry about the next few years.

When we walk around and are wrapped up in our own little world, caught up in our thoughts, worrying about stuff we can't control we miss out on the here and now. You come in contact with people all day long, at work, at the grocery store, at the gym, in your home and yet how many times have we walked past these people who God maybe wanted us to notice, to smile at, to speak to but we were too caught up in our own mind, worrying. I'm so guilty of this, my mind is usually going a hundred miles an hour, in a million different directions that I have gone to the store, grocery shopped for about an hour and can't tell you one person that I actually looked at, noticed, or even smiled at. And that's not okay.

All worrying really is is not trusting God. By me worrying about when I will get married, it is literally telling God, I don't trust you to bring me and my husband together. I don't trust you that you know what you're doing. I don't trust that you will bring this to pass. When that is nothing more than a lie. God you are in control of my life, You do know what you're doing, You do know the desires of my heart because You placed them there, and You will bring it to pass at the right time.

I no longer worry about my life. It is Yours God, do with it as you wish, I trust you. I know that your word says that you have good plans for me, not plans to harm me. Your word also says that it is not good for man to be alone, you will make a helper suitable for him. I am that helper. So there is nothing to worry about.

God, please open my eyes and open my heart to see those around me that You want me to notice. Use me, that I would be an effective tool in Your hand to reach out to those who need You.

You have called us to be a light in the darkness, not to be clouded in our minds and too preoccupied to be that light.

Thank you Jesus, for revealing Your truth to me, for showing me the error of my ways, for setting me free. I love you!

Michelle Nicole.

Beauty

2010-03-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago my blog friend Sarah Markley asked her readers to write what beauty meant to them.

I'm going to propose a project for you all: Write a blog post about beauty. Your thoughts, your pain, your triumphs. It can be outer beauty, inner beauty, what you hate, what you love. Anything. Be creative. It can even be a single photo.

So here goes.

When I think of the word beauty, I think of people I love, people I admire. Beauty to me isn't about outer beauty, beauty is about the inside. The world views beauty as what's on the outside, what size you are, if you're make-up is on right, what you wear, etc. But they've got it all wrong. I think the outside is defined more by the word pretty but not beauty. Beauty is the whole package, both inside and out.

Beauty shines forth from someone by how they treat you, how they treat others, what they say.

Beauty is something that flows from the abundance of your heart. From the overflow of His spirit inside of you.

1 Peter 3:3-4

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Our culture has made beauty out to be something so vain, something that is to be attained by starving yourself to look like the models, by getting plastic surgery to "fix" your percieved flaws. The enemy has manipulated us to think that if we don't look a certain way then we are ugly, rejected, not beautiful.

But that is nothing more than a lie. We were created from His image. He created us in the womb, decided every feature we would have, designed us perfectly for His pleasure. He made us beautiful both inside and out. He made you special, He made you unique, He chose every feature about you, He places gifts and talents inside of you. None of us were created as an accident, You were created with purpose.

Women around the world have been lied to, have been made to hate their bodies, hate what they see in the mirror. Cutting, bulemia, anorexia, perversion, sexual sin are all examples of what happens when we believe the lies of the world.

I fell prey to the voices of others telling me I was too fat, I wasn't enough, I wasn't pretty but it wasn't until I heard His words tell me otherwise that I became free. He told me, "You are beautiful, I chose you, I love you, I am delighted in you, I created you, You are enough." His words are what shape my world now.

Inner beauty is unfading, it is not changed by the outward. It is not swayed by how we feel. Beauty is the single mother who sacrifices everything for her children. Beauty is the daughter who prays for her unsaved family. Beauty is the people who save the victims of human-trafficking and remind them that they are beautiful, worthy, and loved by Jesus. Beauty is an action not just a description.

Royalty

2010-02-05T18:35:00.000-08:00

Royalty - the rank, status, power or authority of a monarch; people of royal rank, plus their families.

When one thinks of royalty images of kings, queens, knights and princess' come to mind. Someone who is of high status, very wealthy, enjoys the finer things in life, is taken care of, but also someone who has great authority, makes decisions that impact multitudes, public figures. Kings and queens are not treated like "common people", they don't marry just anyone, they are heavily guarded and protected. They're treated differently.

You and I as sons and daughters of the most high God are royalty. We may live in the world but we are not of the world. We can't act like the world does, we don't date like the world dates, we don't speak like the world speaks, we are set apart.

Tonight as I spoke to a very dear girlfriend of mine we talked about dating and how it's different for children of God. She was very freaked out at the thought of dating and thought she was maybe just acting crazy. But in that moment the Lord reminded me that no, she wasn't freaking out but that we are His children, we are daughters of the most high God. You aren't just anybody, you are His precious daughter and He heavily guards you and protects you.

2 Corinthians 6:18 says:
"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters."

Furthermore, 2 Corinthians 6:14 says:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

We need to always be reminded of who's we are, children of God. And as a child of God you have status, power and authority...you are royalty. This is not so that we may boast that we are better than anyone because we are all His children. But so that you will never sell yourself short, you will never settle or anything less than His best for you.

1 Peter 2:9
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness and into his wonderful light."

Jesus,

Thank you that you watch over me, that you guard me and that you chose me to be your precious daughter. I love you daddy.

Love,
Michelle Nicole.

Relationships are a Gift

2010-02-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

Relationships are a gift from God. The friends He surrounds you with that help you get through the rough times. The family He gives you to be born into that loves you unconditionally, although they can work your nerves at times, family is what we call "home", its the people that truly know you and love you in spite of you. The man or woman He places in your life as your partner to do life with, as your helper, as His reflection of himself in that person towards you and vice versa. All of these relationships are a gift from God.

When someone you love gives you a gift what do you do with it. Do you tear the wrapping to shreds, not even reading the card but just opening the gift and then discard it as if though it doesn't matter? Do you forget to say thank you? No, you open it with excitement, gently, opening the card first because you know that person who loves you and gave it to you put a lot of thought into what to say in that card, you say thank you and are genuinly grateful for the gift, you treasure it, you put it on display and take care of it.

When God, the creator of the universe, the father of all creation, the lover of your soul blesses you with a relationship it is His gift to you. A gift that we are to treasure, handle with care and are ever thankful for.

Am I writing this because I'm such an expert at this... no not at all. By no means am I an expert at relationships but by His grace He is teaching me. Because left to my own actions I truly suck at relationships.

About two years ago the Lord blessed me with an amazing relationship. But the story doesn't start there. God had been working on both of us seperately for some time before presenting us to eachother. In the years leading up to that, God had saved us, He had changed us, molded us and prepared us for this moment. This relationship wasn't one that was birthed out of a drunken night of partying and exchanging phone numbers. It was one that was birthed out of a friendship, a love for Jesus, lots of prayer and His perfect timing.

When God brings that special person into your life, it's not a coincidence, it's His working, it's a masterpiece that He has created especially for you. Because you see that person is His child, His baby and He is entrusting that person to you. That person is a gift to you. A gift that is to be handled with care, with respect, with love and with an attitude of gratefullness.

So many times I have wondered if I could go back in time would I have done it all over again. Would I have changed anything? In the begining I thought no, definitely not, that was so much heartache and pain but now after having time to think about it and having Him deal with my heart I would definitely do it all over again. But would I change things? Yes, most definitely yes. Would I change him? No. I would have changed the way I viewed the relationship. Because in the begining yes I saw it as this beautiful gift but somewhere in the middle I lost sight of that and therefore stopped handling it with care. We both did.

A relationship, one created by God can be equated to fine dining at an upscale restaurant. You can't show up for dinner whenever you want, it's not open 24 hours, they usually have specific hours of operation, and usually require a reservation. They require you to dress up, you can't just show up in whatever you want. They use fresh, nutritious ingredients not some mystery meat and grease fried everything. There is a huge difference between McDonald's and Ruth Chris Steakhouse. Huge difference. With Ruth Chris you have a little more respect for the establishment, you adhere to their standards but are left feeling as if though it was so incredibly worth it. Where as with McDonald's you treat it just like it is, fast food. You don't dress up, you don't make reservations, you can have it whenever you want and usually although it may taste good (at times lol) it definitely never leaves you feeling as if though it was worth it.

That's how relationships are. If you treat your relationship like McDonald's you show up however you feel, you don't have an awe, respect or appretiation for the amazing gift that God has blessed you with. You take the person for granted. McDonald's are usually open 24 hours but Ruth Chris is not. So when planning to go to dinner for either, one will require you to make better use of your time if you plan on arriving before it closes where as the other you can show up whenever you feel like it. Do you really treasure the time you spend with that person that God has blessed you with or do you view it as eh whatever, I'll call him/her when I feel like it, I will hang out with them when I feel like it, I've got things to do, they can wait. Or do you value that person, do you make them a priority, do you spend time with them.

What about the nutritional value of each? While McDonald's may seem tasty and super yummy at first, it will leave you feeling gross afterwards. And if you have it everyday it will cause you to gain weight, have serious health issues and leave you feeling worse than you started out. In a relationship when you compromise the boundaries that God has put, when you don't respect His design for a relationship, when you have sex outside of marriage it leaves you feeling just like McDonald's does. At first it feels amazing but in the end it leaves you feeling empty, gross and feeling like a complete failure. Yet if you have Ruth Chris everyday the ingredients will be fresh, healthy and organic, therefore adding nutrients to your body, making you feel stronger. A relationship that is fed by His love, His guidance, and a genuine care for eachother will leave you feeling stronger and better than you ever have before.

Doing a relationship the right way is difficult, it requires discipline, denying the flesh but it's also so incredibly do-able and worth it.
"And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

When that time comes, remember to treat it as the precious gift that it is. He has put a lot of work into prepairing the both of you. And always have a heart of thanksgiving and appreciation for the amazing responsiblity He has entrusted to you.

Jesus,

Forgive me for not treating the amazing gift that you placed in my life with the respect and appreciation that it deserved. Forgive me for failing you. He was amazing. I'm sorry.

Love,
Michelle Nicole.

Impossible

2010-01-27T20:54:00.000-08:00

Lyrics from Desert Song by Hillsong United

"I will rejoice, I will declare. God is my victory and He is here."

Jesus,

You are my everpresent help in time of need. Your word says that You stick closer than a brother, that You never leave us or forsake us. You are always there. If we knock, You answer. Even when we fail You, You never give up.

Thank you for surrounding me and loving me in every season of my life. I have never known a love as deep as Yours, as forgiving as Yours, as patient as Yours. You are my everything.

You have captured my heart.

This year has been so different from all 26 years of my life. This year I feel free, I feel whole, I feel complete. And that's all because of You. Once You stilled me, once You seperated me from those around me, once You had my complete attention...I heard Your voice. I heard You tell me things my heart so desperately desired to hear.

"Michelle you are enough. And I love you."

For so long I had strived to be what everyone else wanted me to be and yet I had never felt like I was enough. But that was because I hadn't stopped to hear my daddy tell me, "baby, you are enough".

But now that I have, and now that I get to hear it everyday I feel as if though not even the sky is the limit on what I can do.

I operate out of wholeness, out of completeness and that feels so good.

This year has started out amazing! The opportunities that You have opened up for me, the blessings that You have poured into my life have been surreal. If someone would have told me last year that in just a few months I would be here I wouldn't have believed it. But that's the kind of daddy I have, He makes the impossible, POSSIBLE.

There is nothing too big for You, especially when it comes to me, Your baby :) I love you!

I have victory because You are here.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Girlfriends

2010-01-13T21:08:00.000-08:00

Jesus,

During this season of my life I have had this insatiable desire to surround myself with girlfriends. It's as if though I can't get enough, I want more and more and more girlfriends.

This is definitely something new to me, something that has not been the norm in the past. I've never been the kind of girl who has a lot of girlfriends, it's usually only been a handful of girls and that's it. In high school I always had a lot more guy friends than girls. And then in my early to mid twenties that changed to having just a core small group of girlfriends but nothing more. My reasoning for not having many girlfriends was always that they were too much drama, and or that they were competition.

In a relationship I was in I remember actually hating girls for a while because they were like "competition". It was as if there was a "new girl" brought into the mix then I would think, "great now that's another person who will probably have more of my boyfriends' attention than me", it was an awful awful time in my life. A time where I had very low self-confidence, a time where I felt less than, as if I was always second best.

And then fast-forward to now and it's as if though everything has been completely changed around. You have restored me, restored my self-worth, my self-confidence and really helped me to blossom into the girly girl that You created me to be. I celebrate my girliness now and the joy that is overflowing of my heart I am able to celebrate the wonderful, amazing girls around me.

Seriously in the past 3 weeks I have hung out with more girlfriends than ever before and my schedule is jam-packed with my girlfriend dates in the weeks and months to come. I have literally made friends with girls online, through blogs, in church, at work, even with girls that at one point I thought I disliked. It's amazing!

What I love most about girls is how we are emotional. And not in a dramatic, crazy crying way but in a way that we can relate to those who we love. When girlfriends come together they share in eachothers excitement, they weep in eachothers loss, they encourage eachother in their goals and trials, they laugh with you when you act silly, then get their hands dirty and help when one has made a mess of their lives, they push you to reach your goals, they pray for you and speak hope when you feel hopeless. Girlfriends relate to you and make you feel as if though you are not alone. We all go through seasons of life and those seasons are so much more enjoyable with a girlfriend by your side.

It's just as the scripture in Ecclesiastes 4:8-12 says:

"I turned my head and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person, completely alone—no children, no family, no friends—yet working obsessively late into the night, compulsively greedy for more and more, never bothering to ask, "Why am I working like a dog, never having any fun? And who cares?" More smoke. A bad business. It's better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there's no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you're unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped."

I love that scripture in reference to friendship. It basically is saying when you're alone without friends life feels meaningless. If your down there's no one to help you up. But when you have friends they will share the work (tough trials in life), share the wealth (delight in your success, be excited when you're excited). Then I like to think the next line where it says "two in a bed warm each other" refers to slumber parties. As young girls we love having slumber parties/sleepovers. I remember many birthday parties becoming all night slumber parties where we would watch chick flicks, eat chocolate and talk about boys. And now as a grown woman I still love love love slumber parties. Being piled in a bed with your closest girlfriends and whispering funny stories in the dark, geeking out is still one of my favorite things to do.

As women, You created us to be relational. We relate to those around us whereas boys were made to be "fixers". They don't want to relate to you they just want to fix it and move on. So many times in past relationship I would get so frustrated because I would want my boyfriend to relate to me, hear the cry of my heart, be excited about my new girly outfit or ring purchase instead of being like "oh cool, whatever". But looking back on it now I realize I was trying to fit my "boyfriend" into a box that only a "girlfriend" could fill. You made us differnt Jesus. And I'm so thankful You did.

Boys are awesome in their own right but girls are amazing. They are compassionate, they are sensitive to God, they weep in worship, they pray heaven down for the ones they love. Jesus, thank you for surrounding me with girlfriends. Thank you for making me girly. Thank you that this season of my life, living whole and complete I am able to pour out into my girlfriends and in turn feel more fulfilled than I ever have felt in my entire life.

Bring more and more and more girlfriends into my life this year than ever before Jesus. Allow me to see them all through Your eyes, to encourage them, to love them and to laugh with them.

Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart is good medicine". I completely agree. The joy that has come into my life through the women You have placed in my heart Lord has done my heart good. I am happier than I ever have been.

I love you daddy! Thank you.

Love,

Michelle Nicole

Marriage

2010-01-06T20:59:00.000-08:00

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

Jesus,

Today as I was praying during service I thought about exactly that...becoming one flesh, becoming one person. Become one flesh means so much more than what would normally come to someone's mind. Becoming one flesh to me means, that you and your spouse have become one so much so that you feel what they feel, you know when their happy, sad, scared, nervous, worried, or excited without even having to talk to them. It's like this inner knowing, why, because you have become one. You feel what the other feels. You pray for eachother, the rejoice with them when something great happens, you cry with them when something tragic happens, you pray with them...well, always. It's as if you are one person. On the same page. Marriage is beautiful in that you always have someone who is there beside you and is on your team. You are a team, especially when raising children together. You are one.

So tonight as I was reflecting on this, I thought of You. Jesus, I want to be one with You. I want to feel what you feel. I want to get excited about the things that You get excited about. I want to have a burden for what You have a burden for, what breaks Your heart I want to also break mine. That I would be so sensitive to You that I am always exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what You need me to do. That we would be one.

Jesus, I give you permission to take over. Take over my emotions, my plans, my schedule, my life, my dreams, my career, my family, everything. I join my thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams to Yours. It's not just me anymore, it's US. Me and You. Michelle Nicole + Jesus.

And when You bring my husband and I together in marriage it will be You + Me + my husband. And we will become one flesh.

I love you.

Amen.
Michelle Nicole

Do the right thing

2009-12-28T20:54:00.000-08:00

"And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right." - 2 Thessalonians 3:13

Jesus,

For so long I didn't always do the right thing. More often then not I did what was easy, what was convenient, what felt good to my flesh. And after a while it's as if I didn't know how to do the "right" thing anymore. It felt impossible. I would be good for a while, 2 weeks maybe 3 and then mess up again. But it was that kind of thinking that in the end ended up costing me a lot. It cost me my relationship, it cost me my joy, it cost my my peace... it cost me everything.

When I was in high school making the wrong choices, cost me to have an unplanned pregnancy at 17. Then the abortion I had to "fix" it, cost me years of guilt, shame and heavy drug addiction. And all why....because I got tired of doing the right thing.

Then later on in my mid twenties, it cost me my relationship. What started out so pure, so innocent, what was birthed in prayer then fell to pieces, why....because we got tired of doing the right thing.

I have read countless blogs about spouses who have grown tired of doing the right thing and it has led them to affairs, deceit, shame, and a lot of pain.

So many times I had heard that couples who have sex before marriage increase their odds of divorce by something like 50%. I used to wonder how in the world that was possible but now I understand. Just because you stand in front of a whole lot of people, recite vows and put on a ring doesn't mean you instantly are a new person. It's not like you go from being the person who does what's convenient (having sex before marriage) to then all of a sudden by magic become the person who does the right thing. The person who doesn't want to feed their flesh. Sure, now you wouldn't be having sex outside of marriage but then maybe that becomes something like a shopping addiction, not being able to say no to that new shirt or tie or whatever. Or maybe it turns into a porn addiction that begins while your spouse is out of town. Or worse, a full blown affair.

Jesus, I think you put this verse to remind us, that yeah even though it isn't always easy, never tire of doing the right thing...in all aspects of your life. There are so many times that I wonder, had I made the decision to not tire of doing the right thing, maybe I would be somewhere else right now. I wouldn't have had to suffer through an abortion, drug addiction....and maybe just maybe I would be married to the man of my dreams.

But my God isn't a God who stops, or gives up on me because I made a wrong choice. No, He is the God of restoration. Jesus, help me to be strong and to not tire of doing the right thing. There are times now in my life where I think to myself, maybe I should do this, or maybe I should do that because that would make "this moment" or "this season" go by a lot easier. But then where does that lead me, back to square one.

And just like how it is in grade school, you can't pass from one grade to the next until you have passed the courses. You can't go from 9th to 10th grade if you failed all your classes.

Jesus, I don't want to fail you this season. I am different. I am new. I am restored. And with you I can do all things. And then maybe, just maybe, the desires of my heart for my life, the prayers that I have prayed will come true.

Right now I'm not a mom, but one day I will be and I want to teach my children about having self-control, about being patient and never tiring of doing the right thing. No matter how many around them are doing the wrong things, they won't be children that succumb to peer pressure. No, they will be the ones that stand up and do what is right.

Lord, no matter how difficult this season is don't let me tire of doing right. Give me wisdom. Help me to wait on you Jesus. Delayed gratification defined is the ability to wait in order to obtain something that one wants.

I read about an experiment that was done to prove this exact point:
The marshmallow experiment is a well known test of this concept conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford University and discussed by Goleman in his popular work. In the 1960s, a group of four-year-olds were given a marshmallow and promised another, only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one. Some children could wait and others could not. The researchers then followed the progress of each child into adolescence and demonstrated that those with the ability to wait were better adjusted and more dependable (determined via surveys of their parents and teachers), and scored an average of 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test years later.

God, you have placed a lot on my shoulders. One day I will have a leadership school, I will speak to the nations, I will influence youth and guide them, I will be a wife, I will be a mother. These roles are connected to multitudes of people, people who will expect much of me. Mold me into the woman who will not cave under-pressure, into a woman that will never tire of doing what is right.

I want to be a voice of example, a voice that speaks against what is just going with the flow, a voice that will encourage others to turn around and go against the norm, to make a difference. I want to be the wife that can say I waited on God for you, I didn't manipulate my husband to be with me but I waited on God to mold him perfectly for me and me for him. I want to be the mother that can show her children what it is like to wait on God, to trust him, to not take the easy way out, to not walk out but fall down on my knees and trust in God.

Sacrifice isn't easy, it doesn't feel good but the reward is far beyond what you could ever expect or imagine. During this season, I will remember this scripture always. During the rest of my life, I will remember this scripture. Thank you for writing this scripture Jesus, somehow I think you knew I would need it. I love you Jesus.

Amen.
Michelle Nicole

Happily ever after....

2009-11-08T23:08:00.000-08:00

"...I trust in your unfailing love..."

-Psalm 13: 5

Jesus,

Tonight as I read this scripture and really truly thought about how much you love me it removed fear. Fear of the future, the "what if"s", the "will this ever...", it's as if though it finally dawned on me that I don't have to fear anything because I know that no matter what happens, whether good or bad it's all done out of your unfailing love for me.

Unfailing is defined as inexhaustable, changeless, always able to supply more. Meaning the scripture above literally says, I Michelle, trust in Your inexhaustable, changless, always grander love for me. Your love for me never ends, not even when I mess up, not even when I'm not at my best, Your love for me is inexhaustable. You never get tired of loving me....so why should I fear the future? I don't know what You have planned for my future but I do know this, that You love me and are always going to do what's best for me. Granted that doesn't mean my life is always going to be easy but it does mean that You will only allow things to happen that will be for my good.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"

- Jeremiah 29:11

I don't know where my life will be a year from now, I know where I would like for it to be but for now and forever I will trust in You and Your plan. Love casts out all fear and tonight realizing the magnitude of Your love towards me removed my fear. Love disarms, love stills you in the midst of uncertainty, love protects and love always blesses.

No more worrying about my happily ever after, my happily ever after has already begun with You.

I love you Jesus!

Love,

Michelle Nicole.

Restoration

2009-10-14T16:25:00.001-07:00

Jesus,

Recently, I read two articles about infidelity within marriage and how you restored both relationships. I read one where the husband had cheated and I read one where the wife had cheated and in both there You were, leading them back to You, restoring them. I can never even begin to imagine what that must be like but I do understand restoration.

Restoration defined is restitution of something taken away or lost. But that's not the God that you are, you don't just restore something back to it's original status you restore to better than it's original status. With Bathsheba, she was an adultress, because of her actions her husband was killed, she had an illegitimate child and yet You restored her. Not only did You forgive her, but You made her a woman of honor, who raised her children to love You. You made her son, specifically her son over all the other wives' sons King. You restored her and placed her in the lineage of Christ. Her life after You restored her was far better than her original condition.

Both couples that I read about that suffered infidelity, You restored their marriages to better than before. You made them stronger, more passionate, and able to help others because of it. Jesus, You aren't the one who brings these horrible circumstance, no we definitely bring them on ourselves, but You do in fact turn them all around for the good.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

Jesus, thank You that you have already begun to restore parts of my life that were so beyond jacked. You are making all things new. I remember You telling me that You were going to make all things new but at the time I didn't really know how. I even tried to do it in my own strength but obviously failed miserably. But it was when I surrendered to You, that You in turn began to restore me, restore parts of my life that honestly I begun to feel were hopeless. You have turned anger into love, confusion and frustration into peace, indifference into compassion, and doubt and fear into hope. You have indeed turned everything around.

But that's not it, I want restoration in all area's of my life. I want restoration in my relationship with my dad. God, I want to have my dad in my life, I want him to show me his love, to be an active part of my life, daily. I know that You are going to save my dad and I will spend eternity in Heaven, but I also know that You are more than able to restore our relationship while we're here on earth too. Jesus, Your word says that we have not because we ask not. Well, I am asking for restoration with my dad.

Jesus, restore to me the dreams that I let go of, that I walked away from. Ignite that passion in my heart again. Restore the desires that You placed in my heart. Human trafficking is something that grieves my heart so much, innocent lives being tortured is NOT okay. Jesus, I pray restoration for the victims of these horrible acts of violence. I have read that sometimes when these girls are rescued that it takes a lot of counseling to completely set their minds free from that slave mentality. Jesus, I pray that You would restore them...NOW. That everywhere in the world where a person has been rescued from this crime that You would restore them. Everything that the enemy stole from them, their innocence, their joy, their freedom, their entire lives, that you would restore them. I pray that those who are still enslaved, that You would send people, send me to rescue them. God, it's not okay what's happening to these children, it not okay. And while I write this, I am stirred, I am grieved and angered that someone could do that to another human. God I don't know how and I don't know what to do but I want to help.

You just answered my prayer, Jesus. I began the last paragraph asking You to restore dreams and re-ignite passion in my heart for the things that stir You and I finished the paragraph in tears for victims of human trafficking. Jesus, thank you. Thank you for restoring me. I don't consider myself to have arrived and to be perfect, but I know that You are causing a change and it's already begun. Thank you. Thank You that You are a God who takes the broken things and gives them value. You take the low and lift them high. You save.

I love you Jesus. And I am new :)

Day 29

2009-10-05T21:21:00.000-07:00

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, nor harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earning she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the day to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and called her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." - Proverbs 31: 10-3

Jesus,

The woman described in Proverbs 31 is a woman of character, a woman with confidence, strength, beauty, she is loved, she is hardworking, she loves the Lord and is greatly loved by her family. Lord so many times in my heart I have longed for a family, for a husband, for children but have I ever really longed for the character to maintain my family that I so desire. Tonight as I typed this scripture, I began to have a new prayer. Jesus, I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to be a woman of character, a woman that fears the Lord. My life right now consists of one relationship and that is with you Jesus. Please teach me how to be faithful in my words, in my actions, to be consistent and not tossed back and forth by emotion. I want to be a woman so grounded in you that no matter what comes my way I am not thrown off course.

To be a wife is a huge responsibility. It will require everything of me. It will expose my heart for what it really is and when that time comes Jesus I want to be able to stand pure of heart and pure in actions before my husband. Show me how to love, show me where my heart needs cleaning, where the hurts still aren't completely healed, where the bruises of my ego are and help me to allow you to heal them. Heal them with your loving kindness, restore my confidence, restore my purity, my innocence. Give me a heart of a child, a heart that always sees the best in others, a heart that fights for truth, that will not stand for anything less than complete integrity.

Thank you for not answering my prayers for a husband and family before I was ready. Thank you for opening my eyes and shifting my focus. I know that currently I don't always react in the best way. When someone hurts me I'm not always good at turning the other cheek and choosing to see the best in that person. I have made countless mistakes, said words I wish I could take back and for that Lord I ask that you please forgive me. Change my way of thinking Jesus, change the way I react, take control of my emotions. Teach me self -control, how to be disciplined, how to love without ever shutting if off. I should never have to shut-down, I should never have to run-away, that's not how you created me. You taught me on the cross that even when you are persecuted, when you are attacked to always stay positive, forgive, and have compassion. God, begin to mold me into that kind of woman. I am clay in your hands God, and while I know that when we get on the potter's wheel and allow you to begin to change things it's not always comfortable, in the end there's always a masterpiece. I want to be your masterpiece.

I know this is going to cause some changes in the people I surround myself with, Lord begin to move people out and bring others in, people who will push me forward, who will model integrity, humility, forgiveness, compassion. Bring teachers into my life, mentors. I need a make-over from the inside out. I step onto the potter's wheel tonight and ask that you begin a work in me. Prepare me.

Amen.

Love,
Michelle Nicole.

Day 23

2009-09-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

Jesus,

This week has been amazing. I have felt You so close to me, literally closer than a brother. You have been by my side, encouraging me, loving me, helping me to dream. I have loved this week. I wish weeks like this could last forever, no more dry seasons, no more lonliness. I want to be fulfilled by You and You alone, always. This weekend You told me, that Your love was pure, that Your love was better than man's because man's love is flawed. And it is, man's love hurts, it has the ability to stir wonderful emotions inside of us but it also has the ability to destroy in an instant. Your love though never changes, it isn't contingent on anything, Your love never fails, it never brings me down.

As humans we put so many limits on love, we create our own definition of love but Your word is clear on what love is.

1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In that description there is no place where it says love hurts, love causes you pain. Because true love, pure love, the love that You give is perfect. As humans we are flawed, oh how I wish we were more like you because then there would never be divorce, there would never be domestic abuse, there would never be hate. If we all loved like You love, it would be heaven on earth. God please help me to love like You love, to not be prideful. Please remove all pride from my heart, please wash away all my hurts, heal my heart.

Pride is the killer of love. Pride is what says I am more important, who cares about anyone else including Jesus. Your word says that You hate pride. Because of Pride there is divorce, there are hurts, there is hatred. Because of Pride we fall. I want to have a thankful spirit, not a prideful one. When you bring people into my life it's not to show them how much better I am, or how much better my life is, it's to show them who is in my life that makes it so amazing, who's love is it that makes me want to smile all the time, who's blessed me and then in that show them the way to you, to my love.

There's nothing in my life that I can be prideful about, nothing is mine brought on by my own doing, everything is a gift from You. If I ever think of myself as better than others show me God, stop me and remind me that I am nothing but a sinner saved by Your grace and love. It's not by anything I did, but by Your perfect love that I am alive. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you Jesus!

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 18

2009-09-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Phillippians 3:13-14 (The Message)

Jesus,

I am now almost a month into this new season of change and honestly I feel like I'm running but my tank is running on low. This week has been quite exhausting to say the least. I'm thankful that my dad is alive, and I'm thankful for my job but it seems like both of these things have run me ragged this week. I've been getting a lot of sleep because my body is physically worn-out but emotionally and spiritually I'm almost empty. I need you Jesus. Like the scripture says, I'm off and running and by no means do I wanna turn back, I just need a boost of energy from you Jesus.

It's like running, in the first couple of minutes it's not that bad, then about 15 minutes into it it starts to hurts and honestly from that first 15 minutes to the next 30 it feels like I can't go on, like I can't catch my breath, everything hurts but then after about 45 minutes I finally catch my stride and I feel like I could run forever. That's how I feel right now, like okay the first week this was fine, I was good, me and you were running this race and we were off to a good start. But now about 3 weeks into it, I feel like my world is crashing down, I feel dry, I feel lonely, I feel overwhelmed and defeated.

Exodus 15:2 says, The Lord is my strength and my song. You are my strength Jesus and the only way I will be able to finish this race is if you help me, if you lead me, if you take over. I know this week I haven't spent time with you, I've been trying to do all of this in my own strength and I realize I can't. I can't take another step if it's not with you. Refresh me Lord, take me by the hand, speak your words of encouragement to my soul, remind me of why I'm doing this, it's for us. Me and you Jesus.

Wash over me Jesus, remove all the junk, all the stress, anxiety, worry, lonliness and replace it with your love and your peace. I need you to hold me close when I'm feeling alone, I need to feel you there to dry all my tears, I need you God. For so long I have had that tangibly through Cesar. Anytime I felt sad, stressed, lonely, grumpy, whatever he was there, his arms were the ones I would run to and they would wrap me up and make me feel better. But now I run into your arms daddy, I don't have that security anymore from Cesar, I rest in you only. And I'm not gonna lie, it's hard daddy, not because I don't love you and dont want to run into your arms but because I'm so accustomed to having tangible arms around me. I miss him Jesus and going through this season without him has been hard. But I know you have a plan. And I know you love me and want to show me that during this season. I need to know that you love me God, I need to feel it now more than ever.

This weekend is yours, still me and speak to me, let me see through your eyes the road ahead, show me the next steps to take, light my path and never let go of my hand. I trust you, I love you, I rest in you. Thank you for your peace Jesus, thank you that your are working on my heart right now as I type this, thank you daddy.

This season is different, the path is uphill and rocky but with you I can do all things. Be with Cesar this season Jesus, give him strength when he is running low, give him encouragement when he feels defeated and give him a blast of your love everyday. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 14

2009-09-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

You must give up your right to decide what is good and evil on your own terms. To do that you must know me enought to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness. - The Shack

Jesus,

When I read that statement tonight as I was reading "The Shack" it reminded me how there really is no good and evil in the grand scheme of things, at least from your point of view. That's not to say there aren't bad things that happen in this world, it just means that what we can sometimes call bad or evil, you have the ability to turn it all around for the good. Yes bad things have happened in my life, things that I would rather not go through again, I have had hurts, I have cried, I have wanted to desperately run away from things but I have come to realize that although at the time it seems unbearable in retrospect you turned it around for my good.

This season has had it's challenges. I have cried, I have wanted to scream, I have wanted to run away but I believe that one day I will look back and realize that even though this hurts it's gonna be an amazing part of my testimony. You will use this time in my life as a way for me to understand others and encourage them.

But I don't wanna stay in this season God. Tonight Pastor Joe talked about moving forward and how if we want you to help us move forward we have to be willing to allow you to change us first. God, I am open to you, I am open to your change. I will admit I normally despise change, I like the familiar and change always moves you out of the familiar and into the unknown. But I have also heard that change happens when it hurts more to stay where you're at than to move forward.

And that's exactly where I'm at. Jesus, I ask that you would please help me to navigate through this season and not let me be here for 40 years when it should only take 11 days. Shield me from all attacks of the enemy, protect my mind, protect my heart. Be my encourager when the rest of the world tries to tear me down, me my husband and hide me under your wing. I love you and I rest in you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 13

2009-09-19T22:42:00.001-07:00

Jesus,

I hurt. Come rescue me. I need you. Why do I hurt so bad? Why won't these tears stop flowing? Why can't I quit and just be with you?

You are the King of kings, your are the Lord of lords and you're my father. I am your princess Jesus but why don't I feel like one. Why am I not treated like one? There's so many questions in my heart Jesus. But my value doesn't come from how I am treated by those around me, I know it comes from you. Please come to my rescue Jesus, hide me under your wing, put a sheild of protection around me and take me away, far far away with you. Operate on my heart Jesus because it's broken again. I rest in you daddy.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 11

2009-09-17T21:27:00.001-07:00

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." - Colossians 3:2

Jesus,

You see me, even though I am one in a million on this globe, you see me, you notice me, you care about me. When I think of how big the globe is and how when you look at earth from space, I am smaller than the size of an ant. To the human eye looking at the globe from afar in space a person would seem insignificant in size to the rest of the world, to the mountains, the oceans, the land but to you I am significant. To think you created all those huge things that can be seen from space just so I could see the beauty of your work. You created all those things for my pleasure, for me to enjoy. It amazes me how much you care and love each individual person on this globe.

When I think of it in terms that I could understand it's like if I were to go outside and find an ant and be interested in its day, in what its doing, so much so that I would take care of it and protect it. That to me would seem pointless, why would I care so much about an ant when I have so many other things going on, yet you see me who is smaller than an ant in comparison with the whole globe and you care about me, love me, protect me and get into my world. The way you love us, your creation is amazing! You truly do care about every person on this globe, even those currently sinning and away from you. You love us even before we love you, you chose us even though we don't always chose. Thank you God for loving me.

For I know that I don't belong in this world, I belong in heaven and one day I will go back there. But for now help me to have your perspective, to see those around me, to notice the small seemingly insignificant things, to notice those that you notice. Help me to set my mind on things above and not earthly things. To not be so wrapped up in my world, but to look outside myself through your eyes, to see the "ants", the little things that to me might not seem important but that to you are.

Jesus, your glorious, your lovely, your mine and I am yours, I love you. Thank you that even when my schedule is busy and work is consuming so much of my time you can still me and remind me of what really is important. Yes the work that I do is important, yes I should work as unto you but you remind me to never lose sight of what you see, to never grow so busy that I don't stop to see those around me that you have placed around me to be Jesus to. Break this heart of mine and make it sensitive to you, that I would move when you move, that I would speak when you want to say something to someone, that I would respond to what you are trying to do. Don't ever let me get so busy that I stop being the light that you have called me to be, because outside of that all this is but a vapor. I love you Jesus.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole.

Day 8

2009-09-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

Jesus

My co-worker is going through some things and while I know that you can help her and save her I find myself at a loss for words at times. In retrospect I always know I could have said more about you, I could have done more, I could have prayed for her, I could have seized the moment. My mom always seems to just have all these scriptures that I could say or whatever but I don't know, a lot of times that turns me off to the word. I wll hear her get so gung-ho about the word that I totally shut down. I don't wanna do that to people.

Not to discredit my mom's ministry at all Jesus, I know that you have used my mom in a mighty way to minister to those around her including me at times. But you have created me different, you have made me with a different personality, a different mindset, a different approach to reaching out to the lost. But in that though I don't want to be too quiet that those around me don't know you. I don't want to be too scared to say too much about you because really you are the only one that can help Amy. You do love her and have a plan for her life just like mine.

God, please guide me and give me the words to say at the right time. Show her how much you love her through me. I pray that when I speak to her it would be your words Jesus, I pray that when I hug her she would feel your love. Remove all fear that may try and get me to shut my mouth and not talk about you. Save Amy, Jesus.

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Jesus, the desire of my heart is that Amy would be saved. Use me God. I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 7

2009-09-13T20:36:00.001-07:00

Jesus,

Today I fell in love. Today my heart was awakened to a love that I had been longing for, a love that gives you butterflies in your stomach, that makes you smile so big, that makes you giggle in excitement and overwhelming joy. Today my whole world became a whole lot brighter....because of Love.

Today I felt girly, I felt adored, I felt chosen, I felt like I was your favorite. Today was the start of a beautiful new realtionship, a relationship that will never be taken away, a relationship that I was always meant to have, that has been in my heart forever...I was just asleep to it.

It's funny how when your in love everything is so much better. It's as if all your senses are that much more heightened, you feel deeper things, you love others more, you have greater compassion, you laugh harder, you smile...all the time, you feel like your floating on a cloud, like nothing could ever go wrong.

I loved geeking out with you today. I loved worshipping you today for who you are, for being mine, and for chosing me to be yours. I love our inside jokes, I love how even though everyone else was worshipping you, you only had eyes for me. You made me feel like I was the only one in the room. I adore you Jesus. I love being yours.

You chose me, you love me, you romance me, you make me laugh so hard, you get me, you surprise me, you never leave me, you encourage me, your what I've always wanted and yet thought I could only get in a human.

This next year of my life is yours and only yours. My status is...in a relationship :) I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 5

2009-09-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Healer:
I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

Trust: means to allow without fear

Jesus,

As I listened to this worship song, I sang that I trust You, that nothing is impossible for You, that Your all I need yet in my heart I knew I hadn't completely put all my trust in you regarding some situations. If trust means to allow without fear then why do I still fear I won't get my relationship back, which honestly it's not even mine to claim back, why do I still have fear that my dad could leave without knowing You. Why do I cry everytime I think about my dad and the fact that he doesn't know You? If I trust in You like I say I do then I shouldn't have fear.

You are the God of the universe, You do miracles, You bring healing to the hurt, provision for the needy, hope to the lost yet I don't fully trust you will give me the desires of my heart. Why? Why do I fear? There's so many times that I envy those who grew up with daddy's, daddy's who never let them down, daddy's who would always give them the desire of their heart, daddy's who showered them with love. I always wished I had that, because I alway felt that would help me understand my heavenly father better. But that wasn't my life, I very much grew up with the exact opposite and therefore always feared that just like my earthly daddy, my heavenly daddy wouldn't come through. And that's not okay.

Jesus, I need healing in my heart, in my mind, in my spirit. To imagine a father that loves me, that looks at me with tenderness and wants nothing more than to make me happy is so foreign to me but that's how you feel about me. I'm sorry God that I haven't completely trusted in you, that I've tried to hang on when I needed to let go, that I've begged when I needed to just thank you and trust. Jesus, I place my fears in Your hands. I'm letting go. Set me free Jesus. Erase all the hurts, all the disappointments, all the times I accepted what wasn't okay and then thought you were the same.

Help me to understand a love that never leaves me, a love that thinks the best of me, that believes in me, that encourages me, that wants all my dreams and desires to come true, help me to feel that. Jesus, my daddy needs you and instead of beggining you to save him, I'm gonna thank you for his salvation. It is the desire of my heart and I trust in you. Jesus, I let go of Cesar and this relationship that I had so perfectly planned in my head to go differently. I let go Jesus. I give him to you and take my hands off. Fill my heart Jesus, pour your love over me, comfort me. I place my dependence back on You Jesus. And I trust you to do Your will, not mine and my ideas but Yours Jesus.

This hurts. Jesus cut the soul ties that were created. Cut the co-dependence that we created. And make us whole again. I willfully submit to you Jesus. Take me in Your arms and tell me you love me, that you chose me, that you will never leave me Jesus. Everything that was done wrong, erase and make right again Jesus. I trust you. I will not fear. Even thought it's hard, nothing is impossible for you God. Nothing. I love you.

Amen.

Michelle Nicole

Day 3

2009-09-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jesus,

This season has not been comfortable, at all. You have removed my comfort zone, my core circle of friends, the one's that really know me, the one's that really know my heart have moved. First Caitlin, then Stacy and now Cesar. This isn't easy God. This isn't what I had planned. I feel lonely at times. But.....I submit to your plan God, not mine but yours. I know that your word says that you have good plans for me, plans to give me a hope and a future. You know what you're doing. Just give me the strength to get through, wrap me in your arms when I get lonely and cry all by myself, encourage me when it gets hard, make me smile when I feel like frowning, let your word bubble up in my spirit when I'm feeling confused and give me abundant joy and love for those around me.

During worship today I broke down crying, pleading for your strength God because I know that you have work for me to do and I'm not gonna be able to do it without your strength. Before I would have run to my bestfriends but now I gotta run to you and I'm sorry that I had it backwards before God. I'm sorry that they were my foundation and not you. No wonder a part of me feels so lonely without them. Thank you for my friends Jesus.

But my friends were never supposed to replace Jesus in my life, my friends were supposed to add to the life that Jesus was already a part of. Yes my foundation was rocked, yes I have cried over them but Jesus I know you are setting things back how they should have been originally. You are my foundation and I will stand on you. I will not be shaken, I will not be moved. Right now I'm writing this more by faith because internally right now I am shaken, I am feeling the void. Jesus I ask you to come into my heart like a flood and fill that void. As tears stream down my face, I know that you are moving. I need you.

Michelle Nicole

Day 2

2009-09-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

Jesus

Today was somewhat of a rough day but I made it. Work was frustrating but you gave me strength to press through. I didn't want to work out but you reminded me to persevere even though I was tired and unmotivated. Honestly, looking back it wasn't that bad of a day at all. In the grand scheme of things, I had a better day than most people on this planet. I had food to eat, clothes on my back, good health, a job, family and friends that love me and encourage me. I am blessed.

Many times I know I can get so focused on myself and my problems but in reality they're not big problems, they're not even problems at all usually just mini-hurdles. Thank you for nudging me forward everyday, for giving me strength to do the tasks that lay before me, for loving me through my friends and family, for protecting me, surrounding me with your mercy and love, for giving me this amazing life and writing a pretty sweet story for me to live out.

God help me to take my eyes off of me, to see through your eyes. To notice those around me that need you. To give me compassion for the lost and hurting and not just walk past them because I have my own sweet life. Give me your heart for people, forgive me for all the times I could have done more but was too lazy or too focused on my world and my problems.

You have given me so much, even when you take away, you give. You took my relationship away but you gave me my bestfriend back. Your a loving God, a loving father and I know you know what's best. This season is for you, so use me. I know that's kind of a scary prayer because it will mean I will have work to do but it's the very least I can do for my father who loves me. I want to serve you in all I do. To serve those around me, those you've placed in my life and those you place in my path. Open my eyes Lord, open my heart, heal my wounds and send me, I'm here. Amen.

I love you daddy. Goodnight.

Michelle Nicole

Day 1

2009-09-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

Jesus

My bestfriend moved to Burnet today. And while I know you have a plan for him out there, I really do miss him. Jesus, thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for loving us even when we fail you. Thank you for seeing past the present and wanting the best for us.

Jesus, I'm sorry for all the times I placed you aside in favor of something else, facebook, friends, my relationship. I'm sorry for all the times you tried to get my attention but I was too busy living "my life" to stop and seek after you, to worship you, to thank you. I don't wanna have a shallow relationship with you. I want to know you more, I want to fall in love with you so much that nothing else matters. People's opinions of me don't matter, man's approval doesn't matter....I want to be free to be me in You. Today, I chose you Jesus. Today will be the start of something different. Save me, help me, guide me, love me....take the blinders off and open my eyes to see what you see and dream like you dream. Take me on an adventure.

I love you. Amen.

Michelle Nicole